Sex and 4 Things We Don’t Talk About
Sex. We all want it. Even if we’re not currently sexually active, we want that when we actually get it, that it’ll be the most mind-blowing experience ever.
Orgasms have been on our minds ever since we got brainwashed by Mills and Boons and Eric Jerome Dickey books, our favourite movies, or sexy R&B jams. Whether you have a thing for passionate lovemaking, rough sex, or a combination of both, you’re thinking about the end result, the big “O”. So you maco Kama Sutra positions, and learn new tricks as you go along.
However, what we don’t stop to think about are the real consequences of sex, or how we go about it. There’s the pain and pleasure side of it. Pain when the unexpected happens. Pleasure when you literally hit the spot. Regardless, of whether it’s good or bad, the fact is we should be a bit more open to discussing this thing called sex, and how it affects our lives, and messes or lifts our egos.
So I’m going to talk about four areas that are very important to me. Feel free to add more.
What happens if someone gets pregnant? As a woman, I can tell you there are some people you don’t mind getting knocked up for. You mightn’t have an ‘official’ relationship with them, but because of the connection, how they treat you, or the level of respect and admiration you have for them, you aren’t repulsed by carrying their seed, and having to see them for the next, at least, 18 years of your life. Then there are some people who bring on strong waves of nausea that have nothing to do with morning sickness.
Fellas get this feeling too. They know the difference between baby mama material and real mother material. Just check out fellow Outlish writer, Mystie Thongs, and her piece on what men want in the mothers of their children.
So why the hell is it that people keep getting pregnant, and are scrambling to deal with the situation after the fact? Yeah, sometimes accidents happen, despite the use of contraception. However, I would never have sex with someone who I don’t think will man up to the situation. And yes I know some men will act nice with you, and then bounce when they hear you’re pregnant. But if you’re knocking boots regularly, maybe you should ask the person how they feel about things like abortion, contraception, having kids, or co-parenting with someone they’re not in love with. Yuh know…ask them, “What if…?”
It’s sordid, mood-killing conversation, especially in the earlies, but you know what…it’ll help you to deal with the aftermath of a positive pregnancy test. As the saying goes, “yuh cyah play mas and ‘fraid powder”. Maybe you shouldn’t sex someone who can’t have a grownup conversation about sperm and eggs bonding.
2. When to stop
Man… ever slept with someone you had no intentions of ‘wifeing’ or getting serious with? Or ever found yourself in a ‘friends with benefits’ situation? Like…how do you politely say after, say, six weeks, “Hey I don’t want to chill with you anymore?”
I mean, from the outset, you both know that this isn’t going anywhere, and it’s all fun. But no one talks about the day it’s over. And even though no emotions are supposedly involved, egos certainly are.
Any man who has a woman disappear on him, and take a permanent fast from his magic stick, will want to know what happened, and any woman will wonder if her skills were lacking, to which I’ll say, if you just lie there and take it, yes you’re lacking.
But it’s a hell of a ting when you think this is easy, we’ll just have sex, with no emotions, so I’ll have a steady supply, only to find it cut off. Like…how do you have that conversation? Do you say hey, this is gonna stop as soon as I find a better option, or when Iwer goes and live in Grenada? (Damn bluffer…that Iwer).
Safe sex. Most of us will claim to have safe sex, but if flies were on our walls, they would show some very slack and risky behaviour. I always say that apart from having to deal with an STD or HIV/AIDS, personally, I’d hate to bring a child into the world with a fatal disease. It’s amazing how people risk their health for 15 minutes or more of pleasure (assuming the man is not a one-minute man).
Firstly, if you have sex, and only stop for the man to put on a condom halfway through, that is not safe sex. He’s simply trying to decrease the chance of impregnating you before he ‘comes’ big time.
Secondly, fellas, allyuh like to talk about woman trapping allyuh, but if a woman tells you she’s on the pill, that doesn’t mean that you can go bareback. Being on the pill just means that there’s a greater chance that she won’t get pregnant (assuming she’s telling the truth about being on the pill). It doesn’t mean that she won’t make your piggy turn green with some icky disease, or give you HIV/AIDS. And because he or she is single or taken, it doesn’t mean that he or she is sleeping with you alone. That goes for married folks too, unfortunately (because I’ve heard of people contracting STDs and HIV/AIDs from their spouse). Don’t’ assume. Ask.
Just this week, I was reading about the 4LESS initiative, and saw that, according to UNAIDS, four people in Trinidad and Tobago become infected with HIV/AIDS every day. Let’s make it four less nah.
4. Enjoying it
I just need a few sentences for this. How many women don’t tell a man that he didn’t manage to hit the spot? We’ll sit there and go, “Oh baby, yes baby, right there”, but yuh damn well know he eh doin’ squat? I remember a man once telling me, “Take it”. Guess he felt he was sharing some Mandingo loving, while in my mind I was like, “Ni**a please”. Honestly, I wanted to be real with him, but I thought about his pride, and didn’t say anything.
Fellas have their issues too. A male friend once told me about another pal of his who was with a girl, whose, according to de description, “walls were loose”, and de man get up midway through de session and walk out de room. I don’t condone making someone feel real bad and real shame, but yuh know…stand up for your right to climax.
With all the risk that comes with the deserved pleasure of sex, you have a right to at least enjoy it. So if yuh man does come too quick, tell him. Fellas, if the ladies have no skills, tell dem. Gih dem some lessons too. Some women are far too lazy in bed.
Ah now realise I tell allyuh I only needed a few sentences for this, and I went on and on. So I’m going to stop now.
Allyuh agree with anything I say? Disagree? Want to add stuff I didn’t address? I have a word count nah. Anyhow, like Salt-N-Pepa sang, “Let’s talk about sex baby”.