Love and Relationships: Not Like the Movies

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I’m not sure how many of you are aware of the Katy Perry chune “Not like the movies”, which rather creatively agonizes over the notions associated with love. My attempt at a thought-provoking piece aims to question some misnomers of love, relationships and that dreaded biochemical reaction to the opposite (or same) sex so many of us identify with.
I’ll try to expand on the topic in a little more than three minutes and forty-three seconds, and, hopefully, not waste your time in the process. Now fair warning, while I certainly don’t intend for this to be a rant…some of these may fall in your garden. To you I say: “Let it grow, let it grow, let it grow”.
Whether you want to admit it or not, how many of you have watched a movie, and let it affect how you view and navigate love and relationships?
Let’s take for instance the idea of a soulmate. You’ve probably heard this notion before, experienced a friend using it as a reference in their situation, or maybe even you embraced the experience – especially after years of hypnosis via movies. What exactly makes one a soulmate? Many a person (myself included) have used the phrase: “I can’t describe it…it’s just a feeling! And you just know!” (All starry eyed and giddy with happiness that’s inexplicable.)
I’ll pause for the few who are getting over their nausea, whose eyes are almost done with their well-trained roll, and those whose sighs are apt with exasperation. Yes it’s a fallacy of sorts. I don’t believe there to be any credible evidence that suggests a lasting relationship begins with the solid foundation of “indescribable feelings”.
Seriously…talk about good communication – voicing an opinion and someone getting what you mean, without you having to paraphrase a few times or break-it-down several times over. Shouldn’t two people be able to disagree and respect each other’s opinion because they understand why each person feels that way? Let’s face it: We don’t have to share the same view. Just respect the opposites.
How about that prince and princess fallacy? I mean notion. Or do I?
Anyways…whether it was “Cinderella”, “Snow White”, “The Princess and the Frog”, “Anastasia”, and the endless barrage of Disney fairytales, and their cinematic references, we’re all too familiar with the idea of that prince or princess.
There are 26 active monarchies in the world. Well as far as wiki answers are concerned.  So the chances of someone with a kingdom and subjects that’ll make your life perfect, devoid of misery, and, of course, to live happily ever after with is, well…cue deflating balloon sound bite. The same thing goes for the roller coaster modern-day love stories in your favourite chick flick.
I’d rather think it should be more about you finding the perfect person who’s the perfect match for you. Scratch that…it should be “the person” who’s the perfect match for you. They don’t have to finish your sentences, like everything that you do, or go everywhere you want to willingly. But they should at least care to listen to what you have to say, care enough to memorise what makes you you, and compromise their free will to share the space with you, just because you’re going to be there.
Many people seem to think that it’s ok to love, or, as I like to say, “be interested in” someone more than the other person is. Now this last one I’m sure isn’t properly discussed. While I honestly can’t get enough of the empowering getups perpetuated in movies on self-respect and loving yourself enough to let go, I would think there’s superior reasoning in the fact that it’s simply not a healthy relationship, if both parties aren’t willing to be there for each other.
While the traditional “man works, while woman runs the house” scenario was acceptable decades ago, we need to accept that both partners are individuals. Let’s face it. We all have dreams, goals and aspirations: professional, academic, social and financial. A fair level of interest has to be invested here, so that realistic working compromises ensue.
And if there’s no mutual respect for what you want out of life… at the beginning, there’s no real reason to believe it’s gonna be there at the middle or the end of a lifetime. No amount of affection you pour into the bottomless pit of someone’s “I-don’t-care cup”, can assuage the bitterness, the feelings of being treated unfairly and dereliction that come with that scenario.
Respect yourself to pursue your happiness even if it’s on your own. Being physically present in, but on the sidelines of someone else’s happiness and dreams just doesn’t seem worth it.
If you’re one of those with a fairytale complex (I prefer to think myself an optimist), and you try to take a lesson or two from your favourite movie of the season, sympathize…don’t empathize. (that’s advice I got from a stress management workshop; funny how it fits in here). Be inspired by the story and don’t get lost in the emotions of it. At the end of the day, life is about writing your own story, living your own emotions, and loving every bit of it.

I’m not sure how many of you are aware of the Katy Perry chune “Not like the movies”, which rather creatively agonizes over the notions associated with love. My attempt at a thought-provoking piece aims to question some misnomers of love, relationships and that dreaded biochemical reaction to the opposite (or same) sex so many of us identify with.

I’ll try to expand on the topic in a little more than three minutes and forty-three seconds, and, hopefully, not waste your time in the process. Now fair warning, while I certainly don’t intend for this to be a rant…some of these may fall in your garden. To you I say: “Let it grow, let it grow, let it grow”.

Whether you want to admit it or not, how many of you have watched a movie, and let it affect how you view and navigate love and relationships?

Let’s take for instance the idea of a soulmate. You’ve probably heard this notion before, experienced a friend using it as a reference in their situation, or maybe even you embraced the experience – especially after years of hypnosis via movies. What exactly makes one a soulmate? Many a person (myself included) have used the phrase: “I can’t describe it…it’s just a feeling! And you just know!” (All starry eyed and giddy with happiness that’s inexplicable.)

I’ll pause for the few who are getting over their nausea, whose eyes are almost done with their well-trained roll, and those whose sighs are apt with exasperation. Yes it’s a fallacy of sorts. I don’t believe there to be any credible evidence that suggests a lasting relationship begins with the solid foundation of “indescribable feelings”.

Seriously…talk about good communication – voicing an opinion and someone getting what you mean, without you having to paraphrase a few times or break-it-down several times over. Shouldn’t two people be able to disagree and respect each other’s opinion because they understand why each person feels that way? Let’s face it: We don’t have to share the same view. Just respect the opposites.

How about that prince and princess fallacy? I mean notion. Or do I?

Anyways…whether it was “Cinderella”, “Snow White”, “The Princess and the Frog”, “Anastasia”, and the endless barrage of Disney fairytales, and their cinematic references, we’re all too familiar with the idea of that prince or princess.

There are 26 active monarchies in the world. Well as far as wiki answers are concerned.  So the chances of someone with a kingdom and subjects that’ll make your life perfect, devoid of misery, and, of course, to live happily ever after with is, well…cue deflating balloon sound bite. The same thing goes for the roller coaster modern-day love stories in your favourite chick flick.

I’d rather think it should be more about you finding the perfect person who’s the perfect match for you. Scratch that…it should be “the person” who’s the perfect match for you. They don’t have to finish your sentences, like everything that you do, or go everywhere you want to willingly. But they should at least care to listen to what you have to say, care enough to memorise what makes you you, and compromise their free will to share the space with you, just because you’re going to be there.

Many people seem to think that it’s ok to love, or, as I like to say, “be interested in” someone more than the other person is. Now this last one I’m sure isn’t properly discussed. While I honestly can’t get enough of the empowering getups perpetuated in movies on self-respect and loving yourself enough to let go, I would think there’s superior reasoning in the fact that it’s simply not a healthy relationship, if both parties aren’t willing to be there for each other.

While the traditional “man works, while woman runs the house” scenario was acceptable decades ago, we need to accept that both partners are individuals. Let’s face it. We all have dreams, goals and aspirations: professional, academic, social and financial. A fair level of interest has to be invested here, so that realistic working compromises ensue.

And if there’s no mutual respect for what you want out of life… at the beginning, there’s no real reason to believe it’s gonna be there at the middle or the end of a lifetime. No amount of affection you pour into the bottomless pit of someone’s “I-don’t-care cup”, can assuage the bitterness, the feelings of being treated unfairly and dereliction that come with that scenario.

Respect yourself to pursue your happiness even if it’s on your own. Being physically present in, but on the sidelines of someone else’s happiness and dreams just doesn’t seem worth it.

If you’re one of those with a fairytale complex (I prefer to think myself an optimist), and you try to take a lesson or two from your favourite movie of the season, sympathize…don’t empathize. (that’s advice I got from a stress management workshop; funny how it fits in here). Be inspired by the story and don’t get lost in the emotions of it. At the end of the day, life is about writing your own story, living your own emotions, and loving every bit of it.

 

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Brendan Sumasar currently works in technical support, but enjoys anything that provides a creative outlet. An optimistic realist of sorts, he's seeking the truth in all things and in life, hoping to grow into the best version of himself, while being inspired by, and being an inspiration to the world, or at least a handful of the people in it. Find him on Twitter @trinibrendan #leavetheworldbetterthanyoucameintoit

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  1. Pingback: Romance Movies to Set the Standard @ Now You See Me

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