Blatant Lies that have Always Worked

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With the People’s Partnership seeming to be just another PNM (surprise, surprise), despite their earnest “We will rise” talk about being the change T&T needs, we all know that there are thousands of lies politicians dish out.
Thing is… politicians aren’t the only people we shouldn’t trust. The average Joes and Janes lie just as blatantly, and many of us still keep falling for these lies. Why? Maybe it’s because the more you tell a lie, the more it becomes the truth. You start believing yourself, and the receiver just really wants to believe you.
Now there are real lies out there, but I wanted to be sure that I covered some of the lies that people often actually believe, despite our gut telling us, “NO”. So I took to Facebook, the oracle of opinion, for people’s take on lies that have always worked. Funny thing is… just like in politics, most of these lies leave you feeling f*cked.
I love you
Cupid lovers don’t hate on me and start calling me names like cynical, bitter, and angry. Or do it. I don’t care either way (and that is not a lie). Fact is… “I love you” is a lie. Men use it to get sex from women, and other men (you do remember that heterosexual people aren’t the only ones who say I love you, right?). Women use it to get money from men… and other women.
Then there are those people who are so addicted to love that they’ve only just met someone or have been dating them for two weeks, but they love them already. No honey. You don’t. I know it’s easy to get high off of feelings of ecstasy, but that feeling is sorta like when you feel like you have a fart coming, and 15 minutes later… nada.
I love you goes in the same category as “I’m single” too. It also goes with a married man who says he is eventually going to leave his wife for you!
It’s not you, it’s me!
It is you… though sometimes it’s really them… not liking you. Wait that means the same thing. Ok… Moving along.
I just need to find myself…
This goes hand-in-hand with the lie above.
I give freely and don’t expect ANYTHING in return
Only Mother Theresa says that, and for the goodie-two-shoes who say it and really mean it, they still expect something in return, like good treatment or your undying love and devotion.
Just the tip…
“Baby I not putting de whole ting. I promise I putting on a condom before I go deeper”.  Before you know it, you’re screaming like a banshee, cursing in different languages, calling God and Jesus, and screaming out the guy’s name. Nine months later, you’re pushing out a ten-pound baby who looks just like him.
Come on ladies… doh let no fella chain you up in bed. Or maybe… hahahaha.
Size doh matter
Fellas fellas fellas. Yes is not de size of de ship… is de motion in de ocean. But fellas, if your oar can’t even row, row, row de boat merrily down de stream, you getting throw overboard.
There was once this guy who I had a little thing with. He was cute and all that. We hit the sheets on a rainy day. You know those days when it’s rainy, cold and dark? Perfect weather for 20 toes… Ummmmm. Anyway… we going good, then I reach down. Steups. I told him I had my period. I couldn’t go through with it. The worst thing than realizing the man yuh was going to sleep with has a tiny piggyleeks is letting him put that tiny piggyleeks inside of you.
So fellas… yeah doh take that lie from girls. They going and tell their friends yuh tiny afterwards (I didn’t ‘cause I felt sorry for the dude).
You don’t look fat
Most people who ask if they look fat in a dress know they look fat in the damn dress. That’s why they’re asking! So they already know you’re lying when you say, “Nah, is just de make of the dress”.
Between “I’m not fat, I’m big boned”, and well “If I wear Spanx, I’ll be okay”… the many wrong turns this sort of conversation can take are endless. However, to cut it short, here’s some advice. Once you have to ask someone if you’re looking fat in something, it’s a sign that you should try another outfit. And this isn’t just for the ladies eh. The guys out there who runnin’ around tiefin’ Standard Five boys’ t-shirts need to stop it, and wear a proper-fitting tee that doesn’t show off their man boobs, or the ten beers they drink every day.
My phone givin’ trouble
“Girl bmobile real playing up today. I ain’t get any miss call from you!”
What de a$. If bmobile and Digicel coulda sue every Trini who has ever used this line, they would. Firstly, it flies in the face of their claim to excellent network coverage, and well, so many people have used that line… that even if they get $5 from each of you’ll, it’ll add up nicely.
Some of you don’t blame it on the network though. Some of you say, “I didn’t answer ‘cause I was sleeping and my phone was on vibrate”. Difference between you and me is when I say that… is be true. Difference is my phone does just be OFF.
He/she is “just” a friend
Anytime someone tells you that, but their piggy moves or their nipples get hard, yuh know they lying. Moving along…
This is de FIRST time this happen – AH SWEAR!
Can’t get it up guys? Hahahaha. Alyuh handle this in the comments section nah.
The child is yours…
This one is so serious, and unfortunately it happens almost every day, somewhere in the world.
I would NEVER do this with anybody else…
Isn’t that sweet? He loves you so much, he wouldn’t consider a threesome with anyone else. Or he’d never go bareback with anyone else. He just loves you so much that he wants to ‘feel’ you.
Now fellas before you start to say that I only bashing alyuh, I want to say that I know for every bad man out there, there’s an equally bad woman. So I want you’ll to tell me the “NEVER” ish the ladies tell you all.
Effective lies work because many of us refuse to see all of the warning signs that are jumping up all around us. Now it’d be all good if they were harmless lies, like “I washed my hands, really I did”, but when they go into the terrain of emotions, relationships, and even child paternity, the consequences are serious. So, if you care about mankind, please share this around, because well, all of what I’ve written was shared by caring Trinis on Facebook.

With the People’s Partnership seeming to be just another PNM (surprise, surprise), despite their earnest “We will rise” talk about being the change T&T needs, we all know that there are thousands of lies politicians dish out.

Thing is… politicians aren’t the only people we shouldn’t trust. The average Joes and Janes lie just as blatantly, and many of us still keep falling for these lies. Why? Maybe it’s because the more you tell a lie, the more it becomes the truth. You start believing yourself, and the receiver just really wants to believe you.

Now there are real lies out there, but I wanted to be sure that I covered some of the lies that people often actually believe, despite our gut telling us, “NO”. So I took to Facebook, the oracle of opinion, for people’s take on lies that have always worked. Funny thing is… just like in politics, most of these lies leave you feeling f*cked.

 

I love you

Cupid lovers don’t hate on me and start calling me names like cynical, bitter, and angry. Or do it. I don’t care either way (and that is not a lie). Fact is… “I love you” is a lie. Men use it to get sex from women, and other men (you do remember that heterosexual people aren’t the only ones who say I love you, right?). Women use it to get money from men… and other women.

Then there are those people who are so addicted to love that they’ve only just met someone or have been dating them for two weeks, but they love them already. No honey. You don’t. I know it’s easy to get high off of feelings of ecstasy, but that feeling is sorta like when you feel like you have a fart coming, and 15 minutes later… nada.

I love you goes in the same category as “I’m single” too. It also goes with a married man who says he is eventually going to leave his wife for you!

 

It’s not you, it’s me!

It is you… though sometimes it’s really them… not liking you. Wait that means the same thing. Ok… Moving along.

 

I just need to find myself…

This goes hand-in-hand with the lie above.

 

I give freely and don’t expect ANYTHING in return

Only Mother Theresa says that, and for the goodie-two-shoes who say it and really mean it, they still expect something in return, like good treatment or your undying love and devotion.

 

Just the tip…

“Baby I not putting de whole ting. I promise I putting on a condom before I go deeper”.  Before you know it, you’re screaming like a banshee, cursing in different languages, calling God and Jesus, and screaming out the guy’s name. Nine months later, you’re pushing out a ten-pound baby who looks just like him.

Come on ladies… doh let no fella chain you up in bed. Or maybe… hahahaha.

 

Size doh matter

Fellas fellas fellas. Yes is not de size of de ship… is de motion in de ocean. But fellas, if your oar can’t even row, row, row de boat merrily down de stream, you getting throw overboard.

There was once this guy who I had a little thing with. He was cute and all that. We hit the sheets on a rainy day. You know those days when it’s rainy, cold and dark? Perfect weather for 20 toes… Ummmmm. Anyway… we going good, then I reach down. Steups. I told him I had my period. I couldn’t go through with it. The worst thing than realizing the man yuh was going to sleep with has a tiny piggyleeks is letting him put that tiny piggyleeks inside of you.

So fellas… yeah doh take that lie from girls. They going and tell their friends yuh tiny afterwards (I didn’t ‘cause I felt sorry for the dude).

 

You don’t look fat

Most people who ask if they look fat in a dress know they look fat in the damn dress. That’s why they’re asking! So they already know you’re lying when you say, “Nah, is just de make of the dress”.

Between “I’m not fat, I’m big boned”, and well “If I wear Spanx, I’ll be okay”… the many wrong turns this sort of conversation can take are endless. However, to cut it short, here’s some advice. Once you have to ask someone if you’re looking fat in something, it’s a sign that you should try another outfit. And this isn’t just for the ladies eh. The guys out there who runnin’ around tiefin’ Standard Five boys’ t-shirts need to stop it, and wear a proper-fitting tee that doesn’t show off their man boobs, or the ten beers they drink every day.

 

My phone givin’ trouble

“Girl bmobile real playing up today. I ain’t get any miss call from you!”

What de a$$. If bmobile and Digicel coulda sue every Trini who has ever used this line, they would. Firstly, it flies in the face of their claim to excellent network coverage, and well, so many people have used that line… that even if they get $5 from each of you all, it’ll add up nicely.

Some of you don’t blame it on the network though. Some of you say, “I didn’t answer ‘cause I was sleeping and my phone was on vibrate”. Difference between you and me is when I say that… is be true. Difference is my phone does just be OFF.

 

He/she is “just” a friend

Anytime someone tells you that, but their piggy moves or their nipples get hard, yuh know they lying. Moving along…

 

This is de FIRST time this happen – AH SWEAR!

Can’t get it up guys? Hahahaha. Alyuh handle this in the comments section nah.

 

The child is yours…

This one is so serious, and unfortunately it happens almost every day, somewhere in the world.

 

I would NEVER do this with anybody else…

Isn’t that sweet? He loves you so much, he wouldn’t consider a threesome with anyone else. Or he’d never go bareback with anyone else. He just loves you so much that he wants to ‘feel’ you.

Now fellas before you start to say that I only bashing alyuh, I want to say that I know for every bad man out there, there’s an equally bad woman. So I want you to tell me the “NEVER” ish the ladies tell you all.

Effective lies work because many of us refuse to see all of the warning signs that are jumping up all around us. Now it’d be all good if they were harmless lies, like “I washed my hands, really I did”, but when they go into the terrain of emotions, relationships, and even child paternity, the consequences are serious. So, if you care about mankind, please share this around, because well, all of what I’ve written was shared by caring Trinis on Facebook.

 

Check out the rest of this week’s issue (31/2/11; Issue 43):

 

Look out for a new issue of Outlish.com every Monday.

 

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