When it comes to belting out the best Parang ever, no one can beat Scrunter. When it comes to taking the same rhythm a few years in a row, putting different lyrics to it, and still managing to make people move their feet (and waist), and dub it a classic in its genre… perhaps only Machel Montano can touch Scrunter.
However, when it comes to teaching us young ‘uns how to live right, no one would even think of referencing Scrunter. No one, except me.
See, I believe in finding the ‘good’ in any and everything. Pork mightn’t be the ‘cleanest’ meat, but it sure does full yuh belly. Alcohol mightn’t be good for you, in large amounts, but it sure does provide jobs. You see my line of random argument. So, with Christmas in the air, and this being the Christmas issue, I thought, why not throw my weave in the ring, and give Scrunter a bligh.
Lesson #1 – Be careful who yuh track
‘Cause you never know who is yuh family. Remember “Dat eh wukkin here tonight”? “Yuh see dah one, dat is yuh family!” Scrunter had a real point. With the way people does gyrate on perfect strangers, when fete season is upon us (and we all know as soon as Christmas Day done, is fete season), it real easy to wine up on your daddy cousin sister niece.
Worse yet, when you in foreign? Yuh too happy to see a Trini. If yuh scoutin’ you not bothering to check out family background. So what if her surname is Hernandez, as is yours. Spanish people does be all over, right? Dat bamcee doh look like it belongs to your family line anyway, so you going brave. When de mark buss, is only to realise that’s your tenth cousin by six degrees of pumpkin vine.
Oh, and while I’m referencing that song, being drunk is no excuse to behave like an ass. As Scrunter say, “Is tight yuh tight? Dat eh wukkin here tonight.”
Lesson #2 – It’s easy to please woman
Oh gwash. Dis song has to be one of my favourites. I used to sing dis tune very loud and clear when I was in primary school, and just this weekend I brought out a cheap grater I got in Hilo, and put down an impromptu performance for my fam.
Thing is… Scrunter was busy thinking about what to get “Anita” for Christmas. Like any ‘good’ man who gets his woman loads of material things to show love, he run through the list of previous gifts to see what else he could get her. After a whole minute of de song, all Anita want is “breakfast in meh bed”. Not jewellery. Not a car. Breakfast in she bed. And they say is only man you could reach through dey belly. Some women real simple…. and lazy… and greedy.
Lesson #3 – Life goes on… when you die
Now I really doh mean to sound insensitive. Is just facts I statin’. When yuh dead, people does go “boo hoo” for a little while, but doh think they eh forget to fix they business as usual. Year before last, Scrunter Madame passed away, God rest her soul. People start to wonder if Scrunter was going to host his annual Pork Fete down Toco Road. What kinda question is dat? They doh know that level money is made at that fete? You better believe me when I say the fete went on as usual.
So you stay there and think that people’s plans get pushed aside because you have gone to meet your maker, or de man who does chook yuh bam bam with a hot fork… and not in ‘that’ way (wink, wink). When you gone, yuh job will send yuh parents a wreath, get someone else in the department to fill in for you, by the next day, latest, and within two weeks, somebody done get hired to fill your position.
Lesson #4 – Eat something before you go
Christmas is the time when yuh does eat any and everything. It could be a stranger, you eh cater. Yuh parangin’, and is a ‘holy’ season. Nobody doing anything funny with food, right? Ehhhh. Wrong.
See, people know yuh not discriminating when you see bread and ham, together with a pastelle, ginger beer, ponche de crème and sorrel. Ask any gyul who trap a man, and she will tell you that level sweat rice does pass this time of year. Fellas watch yuhself. You meet a nice lil shortie in a party, and she says, “Come by meh tomorrow nah? Ah cooking” – and like ah eediot, yuh gone. You think that ‘festive rice’ tasting good because of Maggi Tastemaker? No dahlin’. Is another type of salt in there, and six months down de road, yuh bazodee.
On a more harmless note, Scrunter has a point. Not everybody who have food in their house wants to share it with you. So before you go out to parang, eat a lil sandwich to hold yuh, in case you end up eating wind pies and nothing chops. And for the fellas who will play brave and go by gyul they now meet… eat a lil something before you go nah. Tell she yuh mammy make yuh eat she food, but you’ll “take a drink ah dis” (watch when she pouring eh).
And yes… I do realise this isn’t what he was saying in the song.
Lesson #5 – A bachelor = a player
Ladies, any man who calls himself a bachelor from de start not lookin’ to make yuh he main chick. Any man who tells you you’s he “coconut water in the morning” or his “callaloo on a Sunday evening” is simply repeating the menu from Frankies on ChainUpWoman Road. “Why don’t you come over, I am a bachelor…” That is code for booty call. That is his fallback excuse the day you want to play you askin’ for a relationship. He will say, “Baby, but I tell you from day one… I is a …”
Lesson #6 – Make something out of anything
See, Scrunter was onto something. He also taught us how to be entrepreneurial. We could make wine from anything. Citrus (pom pom pom). Hibiscus (pom pom pom). Dandyroot (pom pom pom). Passionfruit (pom pom pom). Temawee… Strawberry… Aloes and cane. Yuh have razor grass in yuh yard? Yuh could make wine outta dat too. All you have to do is get a little innovative, and anything could happen.
His voice mightn’t be sweet like de Baron. He mightn’t have lyrics like Cro Cro. He may not even have as much gold as Sugar Aloes. But trust me when I say, if yuh take two seconds to stop and listen to a few of his tunes, you might get a lil something from them. On the other hand, it could just be me, and my random thoughts. I forever writing with homemade wine in hand.
Check out the rest of this week’s issue (12/20/10; Issue 37). It’s our Christmas issue:
- Rembunction: Music, Life and Motion
- If Adults Wrote to Santa
- The Most Memorable Trini Viral Videos of 2010
- Just Do It: Actions vs. New Year’s Resolutions
- Why Must Santa Get All the Glory?