The “good” boy in me wouldn’t let me take my shirt off for James on Skype.
Such a shame, cuz he was sexy, thoughtful, well-spoken, and had expressed genuine interest in me over the few months we had been talking. That should have been my cue to mentally confirm the date of our commitment ceremony by de courthouse, but I digress…
He was very being very generous during our last Skype chat, and the five-cent slut in me loved every minute of it. We spoke in the lowered tones that lovers use, he read a passage of a book that he had been reading, we made dinner plans for next week, and when he rose to get some water, I caught a glimpse of his…well, anyway.
By the end of our exchange, I felt wonderfully faint.
Let’s just say that yours truly didn’t sleep ‘pon mih belly dat night!
For the rest of the night though, between bouts of frustration, sexual and otherwise, I wondered about the reasons behind my resistance to fly my freak flag.
Why is it so difficult for us to release our inner wild child?
Let me park here and acknowledge the folks that will come for me with chat ‘bout being responsible adults, and extempos about STDs and religion. Ah luv allyuh, but spare meh de judgmental soliloquy. This article is not about advocating reckless, and dangerous behaviour, so sit tight.
…it seems that we’re all living these baby-proofed, overanalysed lives that have weakened our inner wild child…
Isn’t life supposed to be adventurous, and, dare I say, impulsive (within reason)? Aren’t we supposed to be dancing like nobody is watching, and c’est la vie-ing?
What the f*ck happened?
Okay…so perhaps you’re not ready to let go of your inhibitions. Maybe I should reframe my original question…if totally free, what would your inner wild child do?
…if totally free, what would your inner wild child do?
That’s to be expected…we’re human.
That being said, I’m a firm believer that we actually have to consult with our inner wild child, if we wish to get in touch with what it might want. Even more important than consulting our inner wild child, is not being scared by its initial desires. Real talk. If you’re anything like me, the initial desires of your inner wild child are seriously base, somewhat animalistic, and embarrassingly superficial.
However, once you’re able to look past wanting to be banged out by your mechanic, there is an opportunity to get real insight to what makes you tick outside of your current social constructs…outside of what your parents want…outside of your personal fears and limitations.
The task then becomes using the insights of your inner wild child as a daily guide.
In spite of the skanky facade of my inner wild child, a deeper exploration revealed other completely unexpected, non-wild child feelings. Without intending to, I stumbled on my hidden fears about relationships that, in this particular case, were getting in the way of what was shaping up to be the beginning of a relationship with somebody I cared about…not to mention my hotta-dan-fyah Skype sessions.
Apparently, fear is a major obstacle in accessing the inner wild child. Which brings me back to the rephrased question that was posed earlier.
If you were totally free (without fear), what would your inner wild child lead you to do? How would being fearless play into the choices that you make in your relationships, professional or otherwise? How would life be different?
Personally, I find the following principles extremely helpful in moving me out of fear-based living.
1. If you want something you never had, you gotta do something you’ve never done.
Wanting greater access to one’s inner wild child implies a certain level of dissatisfaction with the status quo, which is where the statement above comes into play. If you’re searching for bigger and better…or even different, you simply cannot get around having to at least attempt something that you may not have previously done.
Inner wild child dying for Stacy-Ann’s attention, from down de road? Well, if you haven’t already, you’re going to have to grow some nuts, and have a conversation with her.
2. Keep it movin’.
This takes statement #1 a step further. It addresses the paralysis of fear-based living that so many of us fall victim to, and is so much easier said than done.
If Stacy-Ann bawl dat she ain’t checkin’ fuh yuh, it go hurt…but that doesn’t mean that yuh should give up de search for a summer fling!
Dust off yuh skinny jeans and continue to move forward in the midst of questioning, figuring things out, and dodging judgments. The alternative is to remain stuck, and run the risk of not growing.
Unlike some people, I’m trying to take my own advice. So…what did my inner wild child, premised on these principles, push me to do? Long story short, I jumped out of bed and drove to James’ house at 2.30 in the morning, which turned into the entire weekend. We didn’t leave the house.
As of now, my inner wild child is as happy as a pig in shit. What will you do to get yours to feel the same way?