Things that make you go ouch!
Ladies tell the truth. We know how to live with pain, and I’m not just talking about the men in our lives (I’m just kidding…for the sensitive brothers). I’m talking about the things that we endure simply from being female.
It’s already been established that we were designed with a greater threshold for pain, and even though we’ll scream like a guy, if we bump our toes, it’s an established fact that we can take quite a lot more than our male counterparts.
Nature is not always kind to us; as females we’ve all had that moment called getting breasts. Remember how maddening it was if someone simply bumped into those newbies? Then we got our ‘period’, and that pain and discomfort is recurring. It causes some of us to virtually lose our firetrucking minds, but even with all the built-in pain packages that being female brings, we seem to seek out even more. We actually go looking for it. Don’t believe me? Let’s look at some of the things that make us go “ouch”, and it has everything to do with some of the beauty choices we make.
Now ladies, need I say more? For the sake of the sexy, we insist on twisting our ankles into 90-degree angles? We squeeze our toes into these medieval, torture devices we call shoes, and strut around with a smile, all the while thinking “buhwamoder?” I mean, I know that high heels are sexy, and they make legs look longer, but these pumps also give us corns and bunions! Newsflash ladies, guys do not lick ugly feet! Or so they tell me.
Now for my fairer hair sisters, you may have never had the ‘privilege’ of getting a weave. Truth be told, most of you cannot even tell the difference. That’s why you hover over my head, asking silly questions about how I got my hair to go from short to long, or straight to curly overnight. So let me educate you fair grasshoppers.
Weaves can either be stitched in or glued. Having a weave glued in is easy enough, and not at all painful, but sewing in a weave is a different story. First you have to get your natural hair braided, and most braiders have taken some sort of weight training course and can plait that hair to the point that blinking and smiling is prohibited for at least five days thereafter. They then stitch the weave in, with needle and thread, and that extra pull to keep it secure, prohibits resting your head on a pillow for another two days. So, for at least a week, you’re in serious pain. But say what, we looking ‘bess’, and that’s all we care about.
Yes I know they are sexy, and we do live in a world where VPL (Visible Panty Lines) are a definite ‘no, no’, but wearing a thong is really no walk in the park. Firstly, not all thongs are made equal. Some are made out of material that should have been classified as rubber or nettle, and not cloth. Then there are those you have to constantly dig out of you know where, because they just ain’t comfortable. By the end of the day, wearing a thong can be a serious pain in the asset.
So while we are on the subject of thongs, of course you can’t wear sexy underwear, while you look like Brother Bear in the nether regions. You’ve got to trim and shape that beast. So how do we do it? Hmmm, let’s see. Let’s pour hot wax on the biscuits and yank that hair out! Now if half of the men have not already run out of the room screaming, this one did it for them.
The list of things women do in the name of beauty goes on. Ladies are we mad? Do we really enjoy the hurt so much that we need to put ourselves though these various methods of torture? Didn’t Mother Nature already have enough of a laugh? For the most part our actions say no.
I saw on old lady recently, and she was wearing knee high stockings rolled down to her ankles and I thought “Ah the freedom”. The freedom to be comfortable and not care what anyone thinks. I really do admire the women who do not allow so-called norms of beauty to influence their style. The ones who say to hell with VLP, I’ll wear granny panties if I want too. But, honestly, I also admire the ones who go to Carnival fetes in killer heels. I mean admire in a “you’ve gots to be fricking crazy” kinda way.
But I guess, in the end, everyone has the right to define their personal sense of style, and if it takes a little or a lot of pain to look the way you want, then that’s completely up to you. So whether you weave it, wax it or let it grow, I say once you’re comfortable in your own skin, you go girl!
Check out the rest of this week’s issue (15/08/11; Issue 70):
- Blood Lies: When is it Right to Cut off Family?
- Life in Morvant: Not just about Thugs and Bandits
- Ugly Duckling Syndrome: Swimming in Issues?
- Liming in Tobago: 5 Things to do Besides go to the Beach
- London Riots: Keep Calm and Carry On?
Look out for a new issue of Outlish.com every Monday!
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