singlestill

Over 30. Still single. No prospects. Is something wrong with you?

Being single in your 30s isn’t akin to having the plague. So I don’t get why some people, especially you married people, treat single women as lepers (insert up and down look of disgust and wrinkled nose here; I’d add the huffy sweeping of skirts, but that might be overkill).
There is nothing wrong with me; rather, there just happens to be a lack of options and I’m unwilling to cave into people’s ideals.
Since I broached this topic to friends a few weeks ago, there’s been a mini barrage of articles explaining why some women aren’t married. It’s all pop, psychobabble for the most part, but there are a few points that did force me to ponder further. One article in particular holds that single women are ‘lying, superficial, selfish, bitchy sluts’ and that’s why we haven’t found a man yet. Ironically, the piece was written by a thrice-divorced, 41-year-old woman – who’s ahem, still single it seems. It goes to show you that being in a relationship – or three – obviously doesn’t make a happy home.
Normally, men aren’t the focus of these types of articles, but men also haven’t gone unscathed. Another article claimed that men who aren’t husbands or fathers are “pre adults”, straddling the limbo of childhood and adulthood, and thus they are shallow, immature beings, who should also be blamed for the plight of single women. Ah yes… they found a way to bring it back to why women are still single.
As much as I don’t mind a little male bashing here and there, and will admit that there are some ‘questionable’ men (and women) out there, I have to ask, why are single people under such scrutiny? More importantly, why is it implied that we are somehow inadequate if we can’t ‘hook’ someone?
Ladies, if you’re like me – single in your late 20s and 30s, heck even older, and you’re hoping to find a good, quality man for the right reasons, then don’t listen to anyone who’s telling you it’s time to find someone and settle down, or that something is wrong with you. There isn’t anything wrong with you.
I’ve been asked repeatedly and even most recently a few days ago, why I haven’t found someone to settle down with. Like finding a decent, respectful, caring, honest, ambitious man who’s not apt to jump every tart he sees is easy street. There’s no outlet where I can shop and get the perfect man to suit my personality. It takes work, and it takes meeting good and bad guys in order to find someone who’s compatible.
One of the reasons why I’m still single is because I’m restless to the point of worry for some. I’ve lived both in the US and UK, and, in both experiences, it’s the same basic story. There are lots of really decent men out there, but they aren’t the right fit for me or vice versa. I’ve also been too busy having a great time travelling, and generally experiencing what life has to offer and that daunts some men it seems.
Another reason is that I’m not willing to settle for some random fella just to be considered a worthy member of ‘normal’ society. I’d rather stay single and strive for personal happiness than be trapped in a relationship with a man whom I don’t like or respect. What’s wrong with being single and happy, or at least making honest efforts to achieve personal happiness? It’s not as though I want to be alone for the rest of my life, or that I think one can’t achieve personal happiness while in a relationship. I honestly want a good guy to share my life with, but it has to be for the long haul, and not just a few years.
There are different types of men out there obviously, but I tend to come across certain types often. There’s the overeager, passive-aggressive guy who’s secretly bitter and ends up annoying me instead of interesting me. This is when I automatically put that kind of guy in the friendship boat. They get shipped off to Friendship Island, where we all have a superficial laugh every now and then.
Then there’s the sensitive subject of religion. Men, whose religious views border on fanaticism, are the type I’m also most wary of.  I have no problem with other religions, but I draw the line when I’m boldly told that my spiritual belief is wrong. They get corralled into the crazy pen for quarantine – to ensure no cross contamination occurs.
There’s also the deeper, spiritual reason. I am really not ready because I feel as though I have much to work on. I also feel as though I haven’t achieved my personal best just yet, and, ideally, one would want to offer up his or her best self in a relationship. The last thing I want to do is place the reason for my happiness on another person. This is where I feel most people confuse being happy in a relationship, and believing they’re happy because they are in a relationship.
Finding a partner who’s supportive, and who’s motivated to go after his goals is also an issue. This isn’t about pointing fingers or making men feel bad, but I want a man who’s willing to let me pursue my career and dream path, just as I would support him in his goals.
This, according to Miss Thrice-Divorced, is being selfish. If selfish means actively seeking ways to improve our professional and personal stations, then sure, I’m selfish (insert rolled eyes and set jaw here). It’s a total Goldilocks’ syndrome for some, because we’re either not good enough or too good enough. Where are the guys who can appreciate the ‘just right’?
There are also the married men or men with girlfriends who present a problem, since there are some who apparently like having their cake and other slices on the side. This is an easy one for me. I ignore them and their so-called advances. I’m one of those old-fashioned women who believe that a married man is off limits, no matter what kind of sad-eye, puppy-dog face he fakes when he complains that his wife doesn’t love him.
The opinions regarding a woman’s singleness are boundless, and I wonder who else views single women over 30 as objects of pity? Or who sees us as daring and confident for not settling along the way?
It’s time for this ‘single means you’re pathetic’ attitude to cease, and it’s time to shut some people up. Marriage or a steady boyfriend (or girlfriend) is no guarantee for happiness. There are so many unhappy people who rather drown in a relationship than fight it out alone. So why all the fuss about us singles, when they seem to be tethered to a sinking ship? There are also many truly happy couples who have maintained their individual identities, and that’s the ideal we should give credence to. So stay single and happy if that’s where you are in life, because eventually someone will come along. If he (or she) doesn’t, well then, that’s just a risk in life we all have to be willing to take.

Being single in your 30s isn’t akin to having the plague. So I don’t get why some people, especially you married people, treat single women as lepers (insert up and down look of disgust and wrinkled nose here; I’d add the huffy sweeping of skirts, but that might be overkill).

There is nothing wrong with me; rather, there just happens to be a lack of options and I’m unwilling to cave into people’s ideals.

Since I broached this topic to friends a few weeks ago, there’s been a mini barrage of articles explaining why some women aren’t married. It’s all pop, psychobabble for the most part, but there are a few points that did force me to ponder further. One article in particular holds that single women are ‘lying, superficial, selfish, bitchy sluts’ and that’s why we haven’t found a man yet. Ironically, the piece was written by a thrice-divorced, 41-year-old woman – who’s ahem, still single it seems. It goes to show you that being in a relationship – or three – obviously doesn’t make a happy home.


Normally, men aren’t the focus of these types of articles, but men also haven’t gone unscathed. Another article claimed that men who aren’t husbands or fathers are “pre adults”, straddling the limbo of childhood and adulthood, and thus they are shallow, immature beings, who should also be blamed for the plight of single women. Ah yes… they found a way to bring it back to why women are still single.

As much as I don’t mind a little male bashing here and there, and will admit that there are some ‘questionable’ men (and women) out there, I have to ask, why are single people under such scrutiny? More importantly, why is it implied that we are somehow inadequate if we can’t ‘hook’ someone?

“It takes work, and it takes meeting good and bad guys in order to find someone who’s compatible.” 

Ladies, if you’re like me – single in your late 20s and 30s, heck even older, and you’re hoping to find a good, quality man for the right reasons, then don’t listen to anyone who’s telling you it’s time to find someone and settle down, or that something is wrong with you. There isn’t anything wrong with you.

I’ve been asked repeatedly and even most recently a few days ago, why I haven’t found someone to settle down with. Like finding a decent, respectful, caring, honest, ambitious man who’s not apt to jump every tart he sees is easy street. There’s no outlet where I can shop and get the perfect man to suit my personality. It takes work, and it takes meeting good and bad guys in order to find someone who’s compatible.

One of the reasons why I’m still single is because I’m restless to the point of worry for some. I’ve lived both in the US and UK, and, in both experiences, it’s the same basic story. There are lots of really decent men out there, but they aren’t the right fit for me or vice versa. I’ve also been too busy having a great time travelling, and generally experiencing what life has to offer and that daunts some men it seems.

Another reason is that I’m not willing to settle for some random fella just to be considered a worthy member of ‘normal’ society. I’d rather stay single and strive for personal happiness than be trapped in a relationship with a man whom I don’t like or respect. What’s wrong with being single and happy, or at least making honest efforts to achieve personal happiness? It’s not as though I want to be alone for the rest of my life, or that I think one can’t achieve personal happiness while in a relationship. I honestly want a good guy to share my life with, but it has to be for the long haul, and not just a few years.

There are different types of men out there obviously, but I tend to come across certain types often. There’s the overeager, passive-aggressive guy who’s secretly bitter and ends up annoying me instead of interesting me. This is when I automatically put that kind of guy in the friendship boat. They get shipped off to Friendship Island, where we all have a superficial laugh every now and then.

“I wonder… Or who sees us as daring and confident for not settling along the way?” 

Then there’s the sensitive subject of religion. Men, whose religious views border on fanaticism, are the type I’m also most wary of.  I have no problem with other religions, but I draw the line when I’m boldly told that my spiritual belief is wrong. They get corralled into the crazy pen for quarantine – to ensure no cross contamination occurs.

There’s also the deeper, spiritual reason. I am really not ready because I feel as though I have much to work on. I also feel as though I haven’t achieved my personal best just yet, and, ideally, one would want to offer up his or her best self in a relationship. The last thing I want to do is place the reason for my happiness on another person. This is where I feel most people confuse being happy in a relationship, and believing they’re happy because they are in a relationship.

Finding a partner who’s supportive, and who’s motivated to go after his goals is also an issue. This isn’t about pointing fingers or making men feel bad, but I want a man who’s willing to let me pursue my career and dream path, just as I would support him in his goals.

This, according to Miss Thrice-Divorced, is being selfish. If selfish means actively seeking ways to improve our professional and personal stations, then sure, I’m selfish (insert rolled eyes and set jaw here). It’s a total Goldilocks’ syndrome for some, because we’re either not good enough or too good enough. Where are the guys who can appreciate the ‘just right’?

There are also the married men or men with girlfriends who present a problem, since there are some who apparently like having their cake and other slices on the side. This is an easy one for me. I ignore them and their so-called advances. I’m one of those old-fashioned women who believe that a married man is off limits, no matter what kind of sad-eye, puppy-dog face he fakes when he complains that his wife doesn’t love him.

The opinions regarding a woman’s singleness are boundless, and I wonder who else views single women over 30 as objects of pity? Or who sees us as daring and confident for not settling along the way?

It’s time for this ‘single means you’re pathetic’ attitude to cease, and it’s time to shut some people up. Marriage or a steady boyfriend (or girlfriend) is no guarantee for happiness. There are so many unhappy people who rather drown in a relationship than fight it out alone. So why all the fuss about us singles, when they seem to be tethered to a sinking ship? There are also many truly happy couples who have maintained their individual identities, and that’s the ideal we should give credence to. So stay single and happy if that’s where you are in life, because eventually someone will come along. If he (or she) doesn’t, well then, that’s just a risk in life we all have to be willing to take.

 

About Kamsha Maharaj

  • observer

    that you might actually be single because you’re crazy, difficult to get along with, set unreasonably high standards for your partner, have low self esteem etc. etc. etc.

    Yeah sure you might be super special and just haven’t met the right person.

    But in terms of probabilities, someone who is in their 30s and single for a loooong time/ can’t keep a partner usually has issues.

    Because the fact is, none of us are that special or different from everyone else. And if we are so very different from the rest of society? It means we’re some kind of crazy.

    Think about it.

    • Alexandra_

      This bothers me though. “But in terms of probabilities, someone who is in their 30s and single for a loooong time/ can’t keep a partner usually has issues.

      Because the fact is, none of us are that special or different from everyone else. And if we are so very different from the rest of society? It means we’re some kind of crazy.”

      There are crazy people who are married, and there are crazy people who are in relationships. This is implying that if you’re married or in a relationship, then you’re not crazy (or as crazy) as your single counterpart. 
      There are LOTS of ‘crazy’, insecure people in relationships. Trust me. 

      • Bastet

        I’d add here, that I’m yet to meet a person, male or female, single, in a relationship, de-facto or married who is 100% without any issues, or in other words, an enlightened saint-like being.

    • Larissa

      WTF! Being single in your 30s (and for however long is irrelevant) does NOT mean they have issues. Women who are desperate to get married, enter and stay in terrible relationships just for the sake of not being single have issues.

  • Mo

    They do it because you are 30 and have about 6 to maybe 7 yrs left to start having kids… Ok yes I said it and women are going to do the ugh disgust snob turn their nose up in the air but fact is fact they do it because the clock is TICKING tick tock tick tock!!!!!! Get over YOURSELVES IT’S NOT JUST ALL ABOUT YOU!!! Get over it women you are not MEN and it’s a pure and simple fact of LIFE men can be bachelors longer and women have the clock to start having kids. Science is not going to change much at all so you can keep delaying to start the family… It’s rare and not going to change where women can have healthy kids in their 40′s just not safe. Yes there are few and far between that are simply lucky yes it’s pure luck that the few and far between women that do have the kids in their 40′s and the babies end up healthy but your odds are so against you once you get past 36, 37, 38 yrs old. Women quit your bitc*h*ng and whining about how you want to be this bachelorette!!! It is what it is DEAL!!!!

  • Mo

    I also think it irritates the he** out of men and parents when these days women get pissed about the word “settle”… Parents and men are not saying to just settle for any guy but you can’t have soooo high standards that all you do is constantly say no no no no no no no no no to every single guy. Then give him like 2 min on a first date and before he can get to like his 3rd question to ask you, you get up, throw your temper tantrum, put your nose up in the air, cry and bitch to the bathroom to call your GF and whine to her and your like nope not giving him any chance…. For eff sakes he didn’t have any time, gasp he was nervous and didn’t have the perfect conversation… It takes time to get to know someone not like 3 min and everyone yes both men and women are going to be nervous until you hang with each other and get to know each other. Yes there are times that you can feel the vibe that it’s just not right but more than other times you have to give him chance’s (usually more than one date). If men reversed the roles and did the disgust thing, gave her like 2 min and got up and ran out all hell would break loose with women bitching and complaining. But anyways parents and men are not saying to just go pick any guy but you have to lower your standards (geeze were not obviously saying lower all your standards) (women quit it with your balking, and so dramatics) parents and men are just saying you have to lower your standards to a certain point where you give men a chance!!!

  • jj

    Who the hell do you people think YOU are. Just because a woman is single doesn’t mean she is a nasty person. Have you ever considered the fact that maybe she is too busy with her own professional life or life that she hasn’t found the right person?! Also, there’s nothing wrong with looking for your ideal mate just bc she won’t “settle” doesn’t make her a nasty person. Also its arrogant and retarded that so many people think women want kids. Not everyone wants kids so stop assuming that just bc you want them that everyone else does! And maybe she’s run across so many herks such as the nasty people on this board that she is pretty disgusted by the whole “ideal” socially acceptable label of happiness comes if you are married. Better to be picky and choose the right one from the start than pick one that you “settled” for and end up getting a divorce later. Also, why don’t you married people focus on your own damn lives instead of trying to nit pick on a single persons life?! Leave us single people alone! If you are unhappy with your boring and mundane married life why not try looking at your own pathetic lives and go scrutinize what’s “wrong” with you. Bye!

  • Nameisname

    Accordingly, I found out tonight that I must fall into the “passive-aggressive guy who’s secretly bitter… annoying instead of interesting…” category. Gotta love the superficiality of relegating someone (perhaps myself) to a self-construed classification after a two second conversation, indeed… Beyond this bitterness which you have become focused on pointing out, however, we may have walked an extensive path just as you, and we may be in the same situation as yourself of not being content with settling down with the next random person everyone suggest we should.

    May be we are not happy with being content (or at least may be I’m not happy with being content). I want exceptional…

    Slowly, however, as I have traveled through the years, I have come to the ever prevalent conclusion that exceptional is relegated to fairy tales and the proverbial “chick flick.” I do understand that settling is a difficult reality which has become easy to reject. Nevertheless, I have grown tired of being so alone with all this meaningless nothing which I have accumulated, and all for what? The reality of this life seems to be that as time keeps going, the wear of being alone becomes ever more prevalent… I am just tired…

    Who would’ve thought?

  • E

    Just because won’t she wont “settle” doesn’t make her a nasty person. Oh course that won’t make her a nasty person but what makes them nasty is these women with their rotten attitudes when they hear the word “settle” and for a lot of these women instead of listening to the constructive criticism they get all defensive, get all pissy and bitchy. Parents and friends are not saying at all to just drop every single thing and go pick up some strange guy and just get married but they are saying to women with these huge enormous lists/”requirements” that can go on and on that they must loosen up and loosen their “requirements”. So many women take the criticism and think well shit it’s either black or white if their parents or friends say losen up their requirements she thinks that must mean she has to go to the complete opposite spectrum and get rid of all her requirements. It’s like all or none. They aren’t saying that but they are saying you have to slid into the middle and instead of thinking he must meet 100% of the requirements (which will never happen)(keep dreaming), you have to go to like 40, 50 to maybe 70% of your requirements.

  • Flower

    I think the huge problem of being 30 and single is because two reasons;

    1) you are overweight and unnatractive and you can’t recognize that you need to do something for yourself. C’mon Women!! work out, dress better, get sexier, get motivated and you will get guys around you… then you will choose the right one.

    2) you are good looking, good professional career, sexy, outgoing, intelligent, have a good job, etc., well.. there’s a different situation. You have dated so many guys that break your heart because you were always the pretty and popular in college. You dated all the football team and your friends always said that you will get married first. You went to college thinking that you will find a rich guy and get married by 25 yrs old. Now, you just turn 30 and you realized nothing of that happened… you have a badass job but you are the only single in the office. All married women see you a threat and they think you will sleep with their man.

    well, the second situation is my situation… I hate that people always judge single women as sluts. The reason why I’m single is because I dated so many jerks that break my heart and I got tired of that… All my friends including the overweight ones are married. I’m the only one who has a masters and who has a good job… but I’m the single one…

    I don’t know what to do??…

    • Mook

      Re flower: OK for once listen to a man’s perspective: It’s such a simple solution in a lot of men’s minds and that is the next time a guy is standing next to you (that guy that seems quit at that time) effin talk to him (simply say hi and something…) (don’t dismiss him) those are the “guys” right under your effin NOSE. Yes he might seem a tad gun shy right at that moment but for your info and a lot of other single women (more times than none those “guys” the so called “nice guys” or the he seemed to you that he was “quiet” are EXACTLY what the EFF you are LOOKING for) those men you keep saying NO to, they have their SH*T together, make good money, have JOBS and to the EFFIN CONTRARY ARE NOT BORING (in fact once you wise up and quit saying NO to THEM they in fact are much much more fun then those “D-Bags, JERKS “)!! Those D-Bags, JERKS (the unemployed always wanna be “rock star” “deadbeat” “looser” are constantly the same ol same ol and usually can’t afford to do sh*t like go to concerts, travel etc. cause they are poor “deadbeats” D-Bags, JERKS)!! Those D-Bags, JERKS NEVER EVER CHANGE, they are the most BORING MUNDANE HEART BREAKERS. Those D-Bags, JERKS are just like an old record needle that get’s stuck and plays over and over and over. But the next time your in a bar look around and find that guy that is waiting for his friend, friends or with his friend, friends and if his friends goes to the bathroom and he’s alone say EFFIN SOMETHING. Those guys the always say “HEY BABY” blah blah blah the “hey baby” is an effin clue that he’s a D-Bag only wanting into your pants and also those D-Bags, JERKS always talk the same BS, those D-Bags, Jerks conversations are so BORING and so repetitive.

      OR another example if he’s by himself say at his neighborhood bar and grill, It doesn’t mean at all that he has no friends (don’t you ever go to the bar, grill, restaurant by yourself to just get some food when your friends are all busy or can’t meet up?) (Your friends aren’t always going to be available to hang with you just whenever you want especially after college) (your friends after college have their own lives, serious boyfriends, girlfriends, married, kids, jobs and aren’t always available as they were in college) anyways, his friends for all you know live in another part of the city, his friends are busy and can’t meet up that night blah blah blah and at the same time it shows that he at least has the balls to cruise on over to the bar and grill by himself grab a burger, beer, sit at the bar, watch the game on tv. Doesn’t at all mean he’s shy or quiet… Maybe he had a busy day and is just chillin. But my point is those are the type of men that you will want and once you get to know them they are cool as SH*T, are a HE** of a lot more exciting and have a he** of a lot more interests then those D-Bags/JERKS. A lot of men find it funny how those D-Bags/Jerks usually have only one or maybe two interests and are soooo BORING, like example the wanna be rock star (he typically hangs at home, screws around on his guitar all day, thinks he’s the next big sh*t and that’s basically all they do) they don’t have any substance to talk about and sure as he** can’t carry on an educated conversation.

      • luke

        wow, dude, you sound angry and bitter. you could have made your point without losing your shit over it.

  • Roxy

    Im 24 and single. And yes I have those friends that are getting married or engaged. Its a trend now. It seems as though if you aren’t married or hitched people assume that your either A.) a slut who sleeps around, B) weird and strange or C.) too career -driven. I genuinely feel bad for us singles because everything in the world was made for two people. Like you go out expecting to meet like-minded singles but all you see are people holding hands or just people whom are pregnant, so it does suck to see that especially if your a single girl. Also, it does frustrate me seeing people who aren’t even good-looking or don’t take care of themselves with somebody. Like I’m not cocky or anything- but I’m pretty, smart, and I know what I want-so why am I still single?? Like its hard to connect with people, and sometimes guys say they want a career driven women, but they always end up with a total bum or someone who happens to have an ok body and end up settling. I just recently found out that one of my ex’s just got married, so it does put alot of pressure on me to find someone to marry. However, I don’t want to particularly marry just anyone. I want to marry the right person who is ambitious and knows what he wants, but that also isn’t afraid to ride trucks, go to sporting events, and outgoing. I know it can be hard to be single, especially in a world so relationship based. After all, we are all social beings and we have desires that can’t be ignored. It’s even harder when you get older. My mother will be turning 52 this year and she is single. It must be very devastating for her especially since guys her age are looking for young women. Its also getting harder the dating scene, like people are becoming more and more fake, and its really hard to trust just anyone. That’s why I go to church on sundays and am hoping I could meet someone who actually has values and dignity. But whichever way it goes, I always say this its better to be single with good intentions than to taken and miserable and unhappy.

  • ikram

    I could have written this myself :(

  • hiddentreasure

    i really liked the article. it goes straight to the point and say the true without fear. however, i have asked myself if our standards are been way too high. in the other hands, I’ve realized there’s no point or is not worthy to let our standards down. When I found myself thinking “what’s wrong with me” single never married….it happened that I’ve met men who are singe DIVORCED looking for the “love of their life”. Even divorced 2 even 3 times. Then, when they ask or make a comment such as ” I don’t understand why you are still single and you are a wonderful person, you are beautiful..,” It make me think and ask to myself…what is it worse? single never married up to now, or single divorced 1, 2, or 3 times?? can they ask the same questions to themselves? Now, regarding the comments some men have made here…why so much anger within you when talking about the comments the single woman made in here? are you also single? divorce? have anyone rejected you? If that’s your anger…then what part you don’t understand? why are you single? can you just relate to the single women who have met guys and been hurt by them…therefore, decided to keep working on meeting the “right” man?

  • Essa

    Having settled in a previous relationship just hoping the guy would marry me, in vain, I stayed with him for five years. Now I’m single bc this man suddenly at 38 doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore.

    This article is absolutely right. You can be totally unhappy in a relationship, even more so than being single if its the wrong relationship. I was willing to settle and I got burned for it, settling is not worth it. We women let men get away with too much, simply bc we are unwilling to take our power over our own happiness back into our hands and leave our happiness up to the whims and immaturity of men. Society places too much pressure on both males and females to commit to relationships they may not be ready for.

  • Namelessgal

    Ok so I know this is a really old thread but I stumbled on it and wow. Just wow. There is a lotnofmhate going on in the comments section, it’s like a train wreck, I just couldn’t resist to see what was coming next. Listen people, sometimes you just don’t meet the right person when you want or expect to, but that doesn’t mean people (men as well as women) are wrong to feel bad about it. I AMA 36 yo single woman, I have a successful career, I’m told by my friends that I’m attractive and I get asked all the time “why are you still single?” – well, it’s simple: I haven’t met a man who I could spend the rest of my life with, at the RIGHT TIME. I’m not in a hurry to have children, and I think having children is secondary to finding someone who is on the same page as me. I give men at least 2-3 dates to decide if I like them or not and I have only a few very simple criteria: employed, not living with his parents, non smoker. But i also have a fourth: that im attracted to him- and attraction has very little to do with physical appearance. sure i can appreciate a good-looking man, but that has nothing to do with whether or not i can bear to share my bed or my day to day life with him. Am I frustrated by the fact that I’m the last single woman amongst my friends? Hell yes. Do I find it hard to stay positive about still being single? You bet. Do I get upset when people tell me I’m being too picky? Of course I do. Do I get annoyed that men assume I just want to find someone to have kids with and they write me off before giving me a chance? You bet.

    But you know, me being single and holding out for something that I believe is achievable (because I’ve had it before) doesn’t make me a bad person. Nor does it make the man I loved a bad person for breaking up with me years ago because at the age of 32 I wasn’t ready to have children on his timeline (I wanted him to give me 2-3 years, he wanted me to start immediately at just 10 months into our relationship and just as my career was starting to take off)

    Being single also doesn’t make my life meaningless either. I like my life, I am happy most of the time, I would like to share it with someone but I also want someone to meet me halfway. Choosing to stay single until I find the person who wants me as much as I want them is not selfish, or shallow, or stupid. It’s smart. Because we all know what the divorce rates are.

    And if that happens during my childbearing years and we decide to opt for children then great. If it doesn’t happen until I’m 45, or 55 or 60 then so be it. At least I will be able to say I lived s fulfilling life doing what I wanted in the presence of wonderful family and friends.

    Men as well as women, need to drop the generalisations, stop categorising people into buckets based on your faulty and incomplete assessment of the world- because of all the factors that impede your success in finding someone, that has to be the biggest one. Just live your life!