Men and the women who use them

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I really can’t hate on a man when he starts telling me about how bad women are. I know some guys who can give you horror stories that make you hang your head in shame when you realise women could be so fickle or spiteful.

There’s a typecast for the immature, spiteful woman. She must be ghetto; she must be a gold digger; she must be trifling; she must not be educated for her to operate at such lows. However, sometimes it’s the educated, so-called successful, professional woman who can be the worst of the lot.

Some women have great jobs, and fat wallets, and still run after a man trying to trap him. And for a man, there’s nothing worse than feeling trapped by a woman. It’s like caging a lion. He’s infuriated, and he really wants to tear you to pieces when he gets out that cage. So why are women so hurt or surprised when they’ve trapped or tricked a man into a relationship, whether by pregnancy or lies, and in the end he doesn’t want to be with them or treats them poorly in return? Reciprocity is a fact of life after all.

‘Sometimes it’s the educated, so-called successful, professional woman who can be the worst of the lot’

You can’t tell a man you love him and expect him to believe you when your every action says otherwise. Would you believe a man who does the same to you?

Some men stay and take the crap, and that’s unfortunate. Yes, children may be involved, but come on now. If you don’t ever stand up for yourself, she is going to drag you on the floor for the rest of your life. Women like this give good women a bad name. They give me a bad name! We keep hearing the mantra “men are dogs”, but women can be bitches too. You’ve got the good and the bad in both sexes, and the bad apples always give the whole bunch a rotten reputation.

Now, I’m not saying that some men don’t drive women to maniac-hood. Sometimes the things a person does to another person in a relationship can drive him or her to the edge of reason, and when they fall over that cliff, they try to take you down with them. Some of us, however, are fortunate enough to have received lessons from past experiences, and ensure that they don’t repeat themselves. But I digress. This is about men and the women who use them. I can’t talk about the men who use women here because then I’d need much more space. That’s a Part Two (note to self).

Some women are materialistic (as are some men), so when they see a man, they see money, cars, dinners and clothes. Think back to your younger days, and even now. You still hear women saying they want a man with a ‘nice job’, a car, a fat wallet, and the works. There’s justification in wanting a man who’s financially stable. However, some of the same women making these demands don’t have a dime to their name, and get chauffeured around by people who don’t realise they’ve been made a commodity or accessory. Some people only like to be around you when you can do things for them, buy things for them, or take them somewhere. We experience it in all types of relationships – from family to friends. If you take the ‘chain up’, you’re left feeling unappreciated and full of resentment (enter men’s rant about how bad women are; they’re still toting feelings, and understandably so).

‘If you take the chain up, you’re left feeling unappreciated and full of resentment’

But let’s move beyond the mentality of the gold digger. What about the women who use men for emotional gain? They have some form of emotional void, and a man is their ticket to getting the fulfilment they need. There are the women who just feel they need a man, because, in their mind, if they don’t have one, it means that there’s something wrong with them or they’re not attractive enough to get one. Some just want to be loved, so they take the first person who shows them attention. Imagine the scenario here. Mr. Man steps to a lady in Zen, 51, Naries, Movietowne or wherever it is he chances upon her. He steps to her thinking he’s gonna get that honey, and weeks or months or years down the road, when he realises he’s been trapped or is being played, he goes bonkers. Hell, I’d go bonkers.

See, you’ve got to realise, even if you’re not a person who seeks to use people, it doesn’t mean other people aren’t stepping to you with ulterior motives. Women don’t always go after men for what they own. Sometimes they just want whatever they can give them that makes them feel good. In some cases, that’s a child. So they tell a man they’re on the pill, and so he (happily) dives in without protective gear, only to realise he’s been caught. Then she may expect marriage because, ‘aw hell no she’s not having a baby daddy’  (talk about playin’ mas and fraidin’ powder). Things then go into a spiral. He could decide to go along with her wishes, or he could opt to move on from the relationship, and maintain his role as a father figure and play his part in raising the child. In both scenarios, however, resentment still reigns. It’s really up to the individual to decide on how they treat with the situation.

People have been and will always be used in life. Men and women will always be in a tug of war for control in relationships (though do you really need to control someone?). Tit-for-tat will always be a game. Everyone wants to get something out of whatever relationship they’re in, but it’d be a whole lot better if they went about this in a healthy manner. What can you do for me, doesn’t have to be a one-sided question nor an attempt to rob someone of happiness. Can’t men and women co-exist without this sort of dynamic?


Karel Mc Intosh

Karel Mc Intosh is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Outlish Magazine. She's also the Lead Communications Trainer at Livewired Group, where she conducts workshops in business writing, social media, and other communications areas. A real online junkie, when she isn't surfing the Internet, she's thinking about surfing the Internet. Find out more about her here or tweet her @outlishmagazine.

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