There comes a time in every fella’s life, that he discusses the female sex with other fellas. This time usually occurs right after the first drink, but just before the female scouting segment, during a lime.
Now, these topics are not headline news or emotionally fuelled ranting. They are more an aid to transition him from work mode to liming etiquette. These topics can range from who is the biggest ‘bad ting’, to describing how ‘bess’ a female is. However, one topic that often comes up in is how annoying women can be.
Now what is strange about this is that these annoyances are usually very minor, but somehow they easily get on men’s nerves. Having said that, as much as they annoy us, we never make a big deal out of it. We just suck it up and continue living. At the risk of collecting pelt from every woman who reads this, I wanted to bring these issues to the fore.
(Now for the disclaimer: This is by no means a personal attack on women. I repeat. This is by no means a personal attack on women).
The “Oh so Holy Mother Theresa” Woman
While there are may be a few women out there who are actually living their life according to the principles of their religious or spiritual beliefs, some are like actors in a play, sorry to say. Now there is a huge difference between ‘playing virtuous’ and trying to be virtuous. The difference is one walks around trying to display to the world that she is “oh so holy”, and the other is humble, keeping the goal close to the heart and not to the mouth. I can give countless examples of this, but they may be too much to mention.
In this scenario, what’s annoying is to find the fake Mother Theresa caught in a ‘wrong stan’ up’. The excuses come rolling out, actors pretend to be shocked, and the ever-so-famous line “oh I never did this before” is heard. Umm hmm sure! Nothing is better than an honest individual. Now I’m not saying that you should share everything about your activities behind closed doors, but acting like you never left your house isn’t recommended.
The “Talkative” Woman
Nothing gets a guy more bored than a woman rambling on and on, especially if they speak very fast. We lose interest quickly, if we don’t get the opportunity to actively participate in the conversation, so what happens is that we start thinking of other things, while trying to look like we are interested.
Guys will start to think about football, where he can find the best duck roti with slight pepper, Halle Berry in “Monster’s Ball” or “Swordfish”, and sports cars drifting around corners – basically anything that can hold his attention, so he won’t fall asleep in front of you, as you ramble on and on about topics that he couldn’t care less about. What are those topics? They can range from “Glee” to designer shoes. *Insert BBM sleepy face here*
The “I’m Fat” Woman
Numerous people have weight problems. Some of those people try to alleviate those problems. Then there are those who just do the following:
Female: “I’m fat.”
Kern: “Ammmm ok…how is your day going?”
Female: “I’m fat.”
Kern: “Ok so why u doh go gym or something?”
Female: “Nah I cah do that.”
Kern: “Ok so what you think about “Transformers 3″?”
Female: “I’m fat.”
Kern: *runs off in opposite direction*
Do I need to explain why this is annoying?
The “Pet Name” Woman
If you call some guy you know a pet name, please don’t call him that in public – especially among his bredren. I myself have many a pet name, and, to be honest, I really wouldn’t want a female calling me “Kernily Wernily”, while I’m trying to be all manly, liming with the guys and bring beer. Not only will I be the punch line of many jokes thereafter, but also my masculine feel will just go from ten to zero in a couple of seconds.
The “Criticizer” Woman
Some women won’t criticize a movie or a football player’s unintelligent play, or even a song, but when it comes to another woman’s dress code, the critique will shoot out faster than the rounds in an M16 machine gun. If I mention every single critique I have heard about Destra and Beyoncé, I would still be writing this article, and now that I think about it, maybe that’s the reason why the “I’m fat” woman also exists. Not only does she have to worry about whether a guy thinks she’s sexy. She also has to worry about the woman who’s telling a guy she’s not sexy!
However, to a guy, the dress code on a woman isn’t that complex. It’s either you look good or you don’t. We honestly don’t care if it’s a weave, unless it’s overly ridiculous (anyone ever saw the helicopter weave hairstyle? That we will comment on). The detailed faults a woman may find on another’s outfit is astonishing to men. Lastly, only a woman will notice if another woman’s shoes do not match her purse and turn it into a calamity.
The “Correction” Woman
No one is more annoying than someone who corrects your every speech or writing. Especially on Facebook. If I choose to use ‘there’ instead of ‘their’, it’s not a big deal! It is an informal means of communication, not a job interview, so please refrain from correcting my grammar, unless it’s some conspicuous typo that skews the entire meaning of my post or sentence. I have had many a Facebook war that started with a mere spelling error and it can get pretty nasty. So please just don’t do it. It is even worse when you are speaking with someone who constantly corrects you. “The word is (insert word here) not…” Is that really necessary in an informal setting? Should I now refer to you as Miss and dress in a khaki short pants and blue, short-sleeved shirt?
The “Speak in code” Woman
Women, if we speak the same language, please speak to us straight up, and say what you mean. All the tests and fishing for information isn’t necessary. We cannot figure out what you mean when you say something, but it has a different meaning. Our brains are not that complex, and getting another female to translate what you told us will piss you off.
My leading example is when you ask a female if she is hungry, and she replies no, but when you pull out the sandwich, the same individual reaching for a piece. Now, I don’t mind sharing, but only if you didn’t reply to my last question with “no”. Why is there sudden interest in my food? By now you may have realised that I like food.
These issues mentioned above may be trivial, but as some say, “small pin does chook hard”. So imagine how a pile of small pins will affect someone. Seemingly insignificant traits can turn off any guy to make him avoid you as much as possible, especially if he spoke to you already concerning it and you continue doing such. Ladies should bear this in mind, especially if they’re now getting to know the guy, so he won’t have the level of affection for you that’s required for him to excuse your quirks.
The key to avoid guys diving behind garbage cans, when they see you coming, is balance. If you are aware you have an annoying trait, try as much as possible to curb doing it. Just relax and enjoy the camaraderie. It may also help to keep this list in mind the next time you decide to spend some time with a guy, and the (hopefully unintentional) urge comes on to start being annoying.
So readers, let’s share…what annoying traits have you encountered in dealing with the opposite sex?