It’s Complicated: Why Do We Accept This Relationship Status?
“It’s complicated.” Every time I see this pop up in my Facebook news feed, I fight the urge to scream. Relationships are complicated of their own accord. Something about the push and pull of being tied to a mate of the opposite sex – or of the same sex, for that matter – pushes every hot button you have and then some.
But when you go all social media to slap a label on your loving, it signals to the world that you are having man/woman problems, and you’re not afraid to air the dirty laundry so that everyone can take a long, healthful sniff. Or that you are not comfortable with the true status of your relationship. The way I see it, (insert Texan drawl here) y’all need to fix that right quick.
…allyuh almost reach boyfriend and girlfriend stage…except, not really
I may be old fashioned, but if no one has said anything, then you are not in a relationship. If you don’t want to lose the friendship, then don’t; best friends make the best partners. And while you’re trying to hold on to the ‘friendship’, the man (or woman) eating out your popcorn and keeping you from finding someone who would willingly get into a committed relationship with you.
Pull up those big girl/big boy undies, and ask a damn question.
Maybe you’re a single woman who is seeing a married man, or a single man seeing a married woman. You can’t say “in a relationship”…that lil suspicious. Next few seconds yuh sister go comment, “Wit who? And yuh come to my wedding flying solo?” That will lead to a call from Mommy and…lewwe eh go dey. You can’t put “engaged” or “married”. Them titles done taken, and not by you. So the only thing that is available for you is ‘It’s complicated’.
When you do solve the puzzle, it never happens the way you thought it would.
Maybe you’re gay, but you’re not out yet. Scene. But you need to find a way to live an authentic life, because “it’s complicated” really just scratches the surface for you. Whether people agree or disagree with who you’re sleeping with, admit it to yourself, or you could spend the rest of your life hiding. And that is not emotionally healthy.
A lesbian acquaintance of mine put the “it’s complicated” status up a few years ago, and left it there: through long-term relationships, booty calls and celibate periods. Everybody who mattered already knew she was gay – her parents, siblings, lecturers, friends, frenemies and haters. So what was the point? For show? To make other people feel better? Not good enough. You might lie to everybody else, but be true to you.
Then there are those who are in relationships that are fraught – FRAUGHT! – with tension. Constant break-ups and make-ups. Screaming and crying and pleading and begging every week. Clothes get pelt outside Monday night, and by Saturday they fold up nice nice and clean in the chest of drawers. Passive-aggressive conversations held in full earshot of everyone in the maxi. Steups.
Another way that this couple plays out their unnecessary drama is on Facebook, where – in full view of all your friends, family, co-workers and God – the couple switches back and forth between “engaged” to “single” to (you guessed it) “it’s complicated”.
If you’re a part of this couple, listen up: your relationship is actually very simple. One of you is addicted to drama, and the other one of you is facilitating this addiction. Get. Help. There is great counselling out there for co-dependents and addictive narcissists. Find some, and fix that relationship. Then you won’t be confused about your relationship status.
Ups and downs hit the best of relationships, but there is no need to let everybody know that you’re going through a rough patch. That’s none of their beeswax, and constantly telling yourself “it’s complicated” will keep you stuck in emotionally draining situations, when you need to move on. Plus, if things are sticky between you and yuh honey, but you don’t want to end it, no need to make matters worse with an ill-timed Facebook update.
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