If I were a Girl…

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As a 21st century, Trini man, I want to tell you what I would be like if I were a woman… even just for a day.

Don’t get it twisted; this is not an article about what my ‘ideal’ woman should be or some sort of boring monologue of how the role of the woman has evolved in today’s society. Those sort of articles are a dime a dozen.

This is just an expression of the behaviour and personality traits I think the world would be better off with not seeing from females around the world.

 

Breaking shit

I think the realities of womanhood would be quite an adjustment for me, because let’s face it, us guys put you through a lot! However, that does not excuse some of the behaviours exhibited by our female counterparts. One such example is the women who lash out against the world, and decide to get back at their man who has been behaving inappropriately, by breaking his shit.

 

‘It seems that all women have this crazy gene’

 

In my research, I asked a few female friends of mine to help me understand if it’s a natural phenomenon, and it seems that all women have this crazy gene or are capable of displaying such behaviour, which is mainly triggered by men who do not ‘man up’ and come clean on some topic that the woman knows the truth about (how she found out this ‘truth’ is another story, usually as a result of some form of investigative measure I like to call snooping).

As a man, however, my experience of this ‘manning up’ is quite different, as it seems to actually make the reaction worse when someone is already behaving irrationally. Personally, I believe that being in such a position I would actually ‘woman up’, vocalise that I am upset and feel to destroy some of my companion’s possessions (but will not indulge in that behaviour because I am an adult and I am NOT crazy!).

 

Attention seeking

There are not many women I know who are fully comfortable with themselves, and do not need the attention from a man within the realm of a relationship. Where attention from the opposite sex is concerned, a confident woman never has to worry, because there is usually lots of attention to be had.

Case in point, a close cousin of mine; she’s young, successful, and single, and she loves it. Why? I think the fact that she never does anything to get attention from the men she has relationships with causes these men to want to shower her with their attention.

 

‘Sometimes women do strange things to get attention’

 

It’s quite funny, actually, to see and hear some of the things men do from her point of view, but I digress.

We all love attention, but sometimes women do strange things to get attention from men they are interested in.

I once started seeing someone who would start picking fights just because she wanted affection; the logic still escapes me when I think about it. How does an intelligent young lady make a link from making me annoyed and angry to me giving her compliments and showing affection?

 

Gossip

Women need to face the fact that men will never be as fas’ and scandalous when it comes to macoing other people’s business, forming opinions and sharing such opinions about what ‘Mary’ should or should not do ‘to keep her man in check’.

 

‘Men will never be as fas’ and scandalous when it comes to macoing other people’s business’

 

Don’t get me wrong, I grew up in a corner house – literally – so I know about looking out the window to see who coming down the street!

As a woman, I would think that this behaviour becomes an issue when I then pick up the phone to ask my other corner-house neighbour at the other end of the street if she saw that “Mary man get ah new car, and the licence plate of the new car is ‘PIMP’, but wait didn’t we see a car like that the other day when we was coming from church and it had a next woman in the front seat?”

I think it’s safe to say that many men have also been caught in this type of conversation when hanging out with a group of female friends, but the next time this happens, pay attention to the situation. One of three things will happen:

1) If there is another man around, they will eventually end up liming together and some sort of conversation about sport will ensue after they both agree that ‘these women does talk too blasted much’.

2) If the man can time it right he will be able to counter the onslaught with some witty banter about how women talk too blasted much, and it could have been the man’s cousin!

3) If caught off guard, not wanting to seem anti-social, the man would probably indulge the conversation for maybe about five minutes or to the level of his pussy whippedness, get bored, think to himself ‘these women talk too blasted much’, and if the situation is one where he cannot leave, start looking for a bottle of the hardest liquor available.

Ladies, because we do not share your enthusiasm for this type of conversation does not mean we are boring or not good conversationalists. It just means that we can find better things to talk about when we are among friends. Maybe we should look for a few women to start an anti-gossip campaign.

 

‘Maybe we should look for a few women to start an anti-gossip campaign’

 

Snooping

In some relationships, people start sharing passwords, and answering each other’s phones for one reason or another. I think women take this as permission to go through their partner’s phone, and email, as they see fit. To me this signifies that there is a trust issue within the relationship, and as a woman, I would do some soul searching and come to a conclusion if the trust issue stems from an issue that I cannot forgive, it would be time to part ways in order to save much heartache and animosity.

I could continue for days, but it might turn into a woman-bashing article, which is not what I was looking to achieve.

In the spirit of enlightenment, I would, however, like to invite ladies’ comments on what they think of my view, as well as ask, what personality traits do we as men often display that you think could be done without? (please leave the horning and lying comments to yourselves, because women today are increasingly becoming less monogamous). And fellas, what others can you think of?

 

Author bio: Anthony La Borde considers himself an entrepreneurially minded idea generator, and plays a key role in a number of business ventures. He loves to start conversations and entertain people with his sometimes controversial thoughts.

 

Anthony La Borde

Anthony La Borde considers himself an entrepreneurially minded idea generator, and plays a key role in a number of business ventures. He loves to start conversations and entertain people with his sometimes controversial thoughts.

11 Comments

  1. Carver Bacchus

    July 19, 2010 at 5:06 am

    Interesting position on female behaviour Anthony. While I agree that most women have a “crazy gene”, its really important to note that it most often acts up when the woman feels something is missing (attention, affection, truth etc).

  2. Randumb Thinker

    July 19, 2010 at 6:14 am

    maybe putting your business in the street should be a trait that you should look at.

    the author started the article saying it was his opinion.

  3. L.Patience

    July 19, 2010 at 6:17 am

    I think you totally missed your goal of not being classed amongst the cliche, dime a dozen articles of this type. Your views have an echoing tone of chauvinism and quite frankly ignorance. You seem like a man who has been with his and maybe a few other men’s share of women and it saddens me to see that you haven’t learnt much from all your experiences.

  4. TriniCatch

    July 19, 2010 at 7:21 am

    To say the least, this article and the added comments were very interesting! However, as a Trini woman who does not posses these negative traits, and is in fact very trusting, does not gossip much (wink), loves to communicate, etc. etc…..I have to say that MEN LOVE THE DRAMA! I think they think it’s exciting and keeps the relationship interesting (that has to be it cause for the life of me I don’t understand otherwise).
    Myself and a couple of my close female friends, all of whom are attractive, possess budding careers, are fun to be around, and in general have our ish together have been single for some time now (not saying that we have not been dating or talking to guys etc…but nothing very serious or long lasting). However, all the seemingly crazy girls who like to throw ish and snoop through their man’s email etc. are all boo’d up in long term relationships with men who like to complain that things are not going good but who never seem to leave. To further prove my point, I even have a friend who falls into the “crazy” category and wouldn’t you know- SHE IS MARRIED!
    Attractive, laid back, cool girls don’t stand a chance with the 25- 35 yr old Trini male age bracket…its does not seem like yawl ready yet.

  5. sarah

    July 19, 2010 at 8:23 am

    Love controversy so obviously I love this article. In my opinion , you’re off point about certain things and generalising isn’t always the way to go but I definitely had a few laughs cause if I didn’t recognize the trait in myself , I surely recognized it in one of my friends.
    Good job, Mr. La Borde.
    Also, to Ms Wallace nee La Borde, two words, NOT CUTE!
    You just completely made his point I think.

  6. KaylaO

    July 19, 2010 at 10:26 am

    Now I don’t know you, but I must say this is the ranting of a boy…NOT a man. Because a man would know that these statements are unfounded generalizations. These reactions you describe are specific to non-sociopathic humans. They are NOT gender specific behaviors. As a woman who has been in more than one healthy and unhealthy relationship, I must disagree wholeheartedly with your observations. I am pretty damn sure you haven’t dated every woman in the world and as a result cannot say that this is the type of behavior women on a whole exhibit. I have witnessed more than one situation where men have exhibited these very behaviors unabashedly. Let’s address that. Let us for once stop with the “Women are bitches” and address the broader issue of people not being emotionally ready to engage in committed relationships.

    I have to agree with L. Patience. It seems to me that you have not used these experiences to learn what you do NOT want in a woman, as well as, what you need to fix about YOU; and have instead turned it into to a “allyuh woman crazy” rant.

    I must applaud your wife for having the guts to come on here and respond to your rant without pointing fingers. She is absolutely on point when she says “… you make it seem as if this is common behavior when in fact it is not, such behavior is very rarely unprovoked, is usually as a result of much pain and suffering, is used as last resort way of expressing ones feelings.” Sometimes all there is left is break stuff.

  7. humble onlooker

    July 19, 2010 at 11:50 am

    in response to the article..
    1. men talk just as much as women
    2. whilst i understand the frustration women put men through (and vice versa), some behaviours are not called for.
    3. u are right to some extent about the trust issues with ‘snoopin’ when it’s just that, ‘snoopin’. whilst i am an advocate for having a ‘life outside of the relationship’, sharing passwords wud not be an issue if u have nothing to hide.

    @ Jade Wallis – i appreciate your response. However i did not see it necessary to identify your relation with the writer. Even if u did not point fingers your every mention of your relationship with him twice in your response says alot. I jus think that you could have responded without ‘opening up his private life’.

  8. Shanna

    July 19, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    … I think you did yourself some damage with this article, sir. I don’t fall under the vast majority of the generalizations you have turned on women here, at least not to the degree you describe any of them (hey we’re all guilty of a little gossip, men and women). I also agree with the vast majority of comments above. Furthermore, as a sane chick , I immediately place any man who expresses views like this in the “undateable” category. If I’m not alone in this, your “controversial thoughts” just might have a limiting effect on your dating options … one that might cause your theory to be a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    Now, I’m not saying this because I want you to have a crap dating life or continue to think that women are attention-seeking, gossiping, snooping PS3 smashers. But maybe if you change your attitude, have some faith in the ladies and put some positive vibes out there and admire the great strength and presence of mind possessed by so many women, maybe those are the type of women you’d attract. Then, you could go on the have a wonderful committed relationship with a queen of a woman, I wouldn’t have to read anymore articles like this, and we would all be happy.

  9. Quilin Achat

    qachat

    July 20, 2010 at 1:54 am

    If I was a girl. Full stop. If the writer was a girl, he wouldn’t have the above traits. Now ladies, if any of you were writing an article entitled, “If I was ah man” I’m sure it would contain the generalisations such as, yuh wouldn’t watch every woman who pass, try to hide yuh phone, spend all night liming with yuh boys & not finding time for d woman, dead beat dad etc etc.

    We, as women, always have REAL ting to say about men, but if a man put it out there that hey, he’s observed this behavior in enough women to write a piece about it & it’s things he WOULD NOT do if he was a woman, let him have his say.

    And let’s be honest with ourselves, if you doh break shit, ent yuh have a friend or know someone who does? And which of allyuh doh snoop?! Who say Fassbook?

  10. Anthony La Borde.

    July 20, 2010 at 5:46 am

    Hello everyone, I’m glad this article struck a chord with so many readers, even with people I thought didn’t want anything to do with me…

    As someone else posted, some men display the same crazy, and snoopy traits too, which is a very valid point, self control can be a mo fo when you are so emotionally engaged by someone, is all I’m saying. I think that when we get to this point within a relationship it is time to re-evaluate the situation and either make steps to rectify or move on.

    I obviously do not think that every woman I meet is crazy and posses all these traits, but based on my experiences some do, and in light of those experiences I thought I had some opinions to share that people might find entertaining and would make a decent read, but maybe I was fooling myself…

    I was not trying to start a battle of the sexes or portray myself as an asshole…. haha… but anyways, thanks for the comments, and keep reading…

    Anthony

  11. Matt Grey

    July 21, 2010 at 5:20 am

    I liked this article but don`t think the crux of the problem was identified. The author effectively outlined behaviours a woman exhibits when they aren`t getting what they want, for example; breaking shit, snooping etc. These are all causes of something deeper as one of the other writers points out.

    Men are fully capable of acting irrationally when in an unhealthy relationship but generally respond with isolation or angry outbursts etc etc.

    The point for me is that these are generally caused by an imbalance within a relationship, someone (or both people) isnt (aren`t) getting what they want from the partnership and instead of communicating the issues and deciding if it is something that is a consequence of inherent differences or just circumstance they respond irrationally.

    An irrational response is generally dictated by an individuals insecurities, fear of being alone or putting themselves out there emotionally so they feel safer with shouting and screaming etc.

    In summary this is caused by either inherent differences in personality, change in circumstance with consequent lack of adaptation and is compounded by lack of communication (which is generally driven by an absence of awareness of self and that of your partner). A relationship is a symbiotic thing so for me its not about `woman did this` and `men are shit because` its more like `were both shit, is there anything we can do about it?`

    The reason I found this an enjoyable article is that I think its an incredibly important issue and having been through relationships where I myself and my partner have had to face these problems it is an issue that is close to home.

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