Friends with Benefits: It’s All About the Body Parts

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A friend in need is a friend indeed. But when it comes to helping a friend get some sexual healing, should you really offer your private parts for rent? I make it sound so base and unromantic eh? That’s because it is… boys and girls. It is.
Strip away so-called sexual freedom and the friends with benefits (FWB) situation tends to be all about body parts. Who cares about personality? You’re just in it for the physical benefits. You find a ‘friend’ you don’t think the world of to get into this sort of arrangement with… because let’s be real, you don’t choose your friend with benefit based on the same criteria you’d use to find a partner. And would you use your best friend for sex? I thought not.
It’s just about two people who have a mutual, physical attraction. Not friendship. Now, if you’re thinking about a lovers and friends situation (cue Usher), then that’s something totally different. But rule number one is to never think that your purely sexual relationship is going to turn into the greatest romantic movie ever. No one marries their friend with benefit. And you don’t introduce people saying, “Hey, we just eff for kicks”. Most people treat their FWB like a dirty, little secret.
Some of us end up in these sorts of situations by chance. Or maybe you slept with a friend once, when you had one too many liquid cocaine shots, and decided what the hell, let’s do this again when we’re sober.
Some of you may already be turning up your nose and saying, “Not me. I better dan dat”. I get it. You’re a ‘good girl’ or guy. I’m not a ‘baddis’, but I’ve done it… once.
We were ‘friends’ for a few years, always limed around each other, and stayed at each other’s places, and, though there was sexual tension, nothing happened. I always thought that nothing would happen, because we didn’t like each other in that kind of way. Stupid me. I forgot how some men think.
Anyway, long story short, one day, we just hooked up. Then, after a few comings and goings, I went cold turkey. It wasn’t bombastic, fantastic enough for me.  Was it worth it? It’s not meant to be worth anything, besides avoiding an STD or an unwanted pregnancy.
We still talk, and it’s not that we don’t have any respect for each other at all. We’re just not close friends. We’re casual friends, so our ‘relationship’ isn’t threatened by flippant, sexual shenanigans. Again, don’t be a FWB to someone who you’ll regret messing up a friendship with. Keep it basic and unromantic, and yuh safe.
They should really call it acquaintances with benefits, because to me you just never enter that situation with someone who’s a true friend. Forget what you saw in the movies. In real life, if you truly respect and love a close friend, you won’t have such a lax approach to playing with each other’s private parts… Because that friend becomes literally just something to do.
Some women aren’t built for being friends with benefits. And I’m not going to go with the all women are emo argument. Men can be emo too. And it has everything to do with the whole “be careful you don’t fall in love” line of thinking.
Ladies… if you like a guy and think ‘getting it in’ will help you get into his heart, think it over. He’s not thinking like that. He just wants a clean, tight va-jay-jay to drown his sorrows in.
Don’t do it unless you’re built for it. And if you’re not built for it, but wanna play Mr or Ms Sexually Liberal and try it out, don’t do it with someone who’s absolutely charismatic, and will run rings around you. Know your league. Play in your league. And do not take the chain up from a man who tried to lure you into it, because he knows you like him.
There are some guys who are genuinely chivalrous, but they’re also genuinely not serious about ever being serious with you. They just want your body parts. Even the nicest lady in the street will turn into a freak with the right guy. If you don’t want to be THAT girl, stay away from THAT guy.
If you know that privately you’re yearning for love, and want to be in a relationship, do not get into an FWB. That is psycho behaviour waiting to happen, because when your ‘friend’ leaves you hanging dry, or you realise you’re FWB number four on the totem pole, you are gonna do some rash things, complete with outta timin’ BBM and Facebook statuses. Sometimes you can get away with that sh*t on Twitter.
Control your feelings and urges. Know your boundaries by setting them. Know exactly ‘what yuh for’ and what the other person ‘is for’. Don’t get into a friends with benefits situation because you feel that you have no options. That’s pathetic.
Being friends with benefits is like an experiment. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. You have no guarantee that you won’t break… up. You don’t always have easy access. Your FWB can wake up one morning and say: “Yuh know what, I not feelin’ dis. I want a better woker man or woman” (shout out to Patra). Or maybe they might be a true friend, and teach you a thing or two.
Which brings us to the end. When people think they can do the FWB thing, they think about starting up the rendezvous, but no one thinks about the end. Yeah both of you know this is supposed to be all fun, and isn’t going anywhere. Yeah you have no emotions, but what about your ego? Can you handle it if your FWB dumps you before you’re ready to say buh bye? You gotta know from the outset, what’s your time period for being a friend with benefit. Then do like me. Bounce, and remain cordial.
If you and your FWB end up really clicking, and decide you want something more, good for you. All that being friends with benefits proves is that sometimes you can respectfully ask for the goodies… and get them.

A friend in need is a friend indeed. But when it comes to helping a friend get some sexual healing, should you really offer your private parts for rent? I make it sound so base and unromantic eh? That’s because it is… boys and girls. It is.

Strip away so-called sexual freedom and the friends with benefits (FWB) situation tends to be all about body parts. Who cares about personality? You’re just in it for the physical benefits. You find a ‘friend’ you don’t think the world of to get into this sort of arrangement with… because let’s be real, you don’t choose your friend with benefit based on the same criteria you’d use to find a partner. And would you use your best friend for sex? I thought not.


It’s just about two people who have a mutual, physical attraction. Not friendship. Now, if you’re thinking about a lovers and friends situation (cue Usher), then that’s something totally different. But rule number one is to never think that your purely sexual relationship is going to turn into the greatest romantic movie ever. No one marries their friend with benefit. And you don’t introduce people saying, “Hey, we just eff for kicks”. Most people treat their FWB like a dirty, little secret.

Some of us end up in these sorts of situations by chance. Or maybe you slept with a friend once, when you had one too many liquid cocaine shots, and decided what the hell, let’s do this again when we’re sober.

Some of you may already be turning up your nose and saying, “Not me. I better dan dat”. I get it. You’re a ‘good girl’ or guy. I’m not a ‘baddis’, but I’ve done it… once.

We were ‘friends’ for a few years, always limed around each other, and stayed at each other’s places, and, though there was sexual tension, nothing happened. I always thought that nothing would happen, because we didn’t like each other in that kind of way. Stupid me. I forgot how some men think.

Anyway, long story short, one day, we just hooked up. Then, after a few comings and goings, I went cold turkey. It wasn’t bombastic, fantastic enough for me.  Was it worth it? It’s not meant to be worth anything, besides avoiding an STD or an unwanted pregnancy.

We still talk, and it’s not that we don’t have any respect for each other at all. We’re just not close friends. We’re casual friends, so our ‘relationship’ isn’t threatened by flippant, sexual shenanigans. Again, don’t be a FWB to someone who you’ll regret messing up a friendship with. Keep it basic and unromantic, and yuh safe.

They should really call it acquaintances with benefits, because to me you just never enter that situation with someone who’s a true friend. Forget what you saw in the movies. In real life, if you truly respect and love a close friend, you won’t have such a lax approach to playing with each other’s private parts… Because that friend becomes literally just something to do.

Some women aren’t built for being friends with benefits. And I’m not going to go with the all women are emo argument. Men can be emo too. And it has everything to do with the whole “be careful you don’t fall in love” line of thinking.

Ladies… if you like a guy and think ‘getting it in’ will help you get into his heart, think it over. He’s not thinking like that. He just wants a clean, tight va-jay-jay to drown his sorrows in.

Don’t do it unless you’re built for it. And if you’re not built for it, but wanna play Mr or Ms Sexually Liberal and try it out, don’t do it with someone who’s absolutely charismatic, and will run rings around you. Know your league. Play in your league. And do not take the chain up from a man who tried to lure you into it, because he knows you like him.

There are some guys who are genuinely chivalrous, but they’re also genuinely not serious about ever being serious with you. They just want your body parts. Even the nicest lady in the street will turn into a freak with the right guy. If you don’t want to be THAT girl, stay away from THAT guy.

If you know that privately you’re yearning for love, and want to be in a relationship, do not get into an FWB. That is psycho behaviour waiting to happen, because when your ‘friend’ leaves you hanging dry, or you realise you’re FWB number four on the totem pole, you are gonna do some rash things, complete with outta timin’ BBM and Facebook statuses. Sometimes you can get away with that sh*t on Twitter.

Control your feelings and urges. Know your boundaries by setting them. Know exactly ‘what yuh for’ and what the other person ‘is for’. Don’t get into a friends with benefits situation because you feel that you have no options. That’s pathetic.

Being friends with benefits is like an experiment. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. You have no guarantee that you won’t break… up. You don’t always have easy access. Your FWB can wake up one morning and say: “Yuh know what, I not feelin’ dis. I want a better woker man or woman” (shout out to Patra). Or maybe they might be a true friend, and teach you a thing or two.

Which brings us to the end. When people think they can do the FWB thing, they think about starting up the rendezvous, but no one thinks about the end. Yeah both of you know this is supposed to be all fun, and isn’t going anywhere. Yeah you have no emotions, but what about your ego? Can you handle it if your FWB dumps you before you’re ready to say buh bye? You gotta know from the outset, what’s your time period for being a friend with benefit. Then do like me. Bounce, and remain cordial.

If you and your FWB end up really clicking, and decide you want something more, good for you. All that being friends with benefits proves is that sometimes you can respectfully ask for the goodies… and get them.

 

1 Comment

  1. Corey Gilkes

    November 9, 2011 at 12:36 am

    Good article. It does cover a wide range of issues that can be discussed individually.

    While I’m in basic agreement with the general tone of the article, I must maintain that much of the negative outcomes of sexual friendship (I personally dislike the term FWB and the implications that the term brings) comes more from a lifetime of being socialised to accept that one becomes sexually and emotionally involved ONLY in a romantic (read exclusive) pairing. This of course is linked to certain entrenched values and ideas in patricentric Western notions of what “love,” “relationships” and marriage is supposed to be and that in turn stems from ideas that viewed women (and later men) as sexual property.

    My point is that while it may be too late for some of us who done cross age 21, we have got to if nothing else set the stage we children — some of whom done doing the thing anyway, just without the proper information — to have a different set of ideas about sex, intimacy, friendships and more solid relationships. That can only be done when/if we deconstruct a lot of what was imposed on us since childhood. If the ideas of sex are de-linked from morality (to use a term I came across in “The Bitch in the House” by Cathi Hanauer), if we trace back codes of morality back to certain historical period and not some bearded man in the clouds and if we have a better understanding of the complexities of human sexuality, we may actually see a lot different society.

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