Forever Single: Living in Fear of Loneliness

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I’m sure you have at least one friend like this – every time you see them, they have a different boy or girl on their arm. And before you can get the time to let your brain process this, they’re introducing this person as their “significant other”.
Then, two weeks later, bam – the Facebook relationship status changes, they go into recluse, and you don’t see them for probably a week. Then next thing you know, Facebook status change again, and they come again with another one for you to see. And the cycle goes on, and on, and on…
You, as the third party/friend, try your best to nicely pound it into their heads that they need to take a lil’ time out from the madness. But somehow it goes in one ear and comes out the other. Every time. Baffling as it is, it’s probably because the person is listening to too much Alicia Keys (http://www.outlish.com/avoiding-tief-head-and-tabanca/). Or maybe they’re afraid of being forever alone. From forum posts to blog entries, to even its own meme, we can safely say the fear of loneliness is apparently a widely experienced fear. Probably because being loved is a universal need.
Although we all feel the need to be loved, there is so much pressure around us that makes the fear of loneliness so many times worse. Ever noticed in those Disney movies that the princess ALWAYS ends up with the prince in the end, and they live happily ever after? And the thing is, they’re teenagers – I don’t care what anybody says, the Little Mermaid didn’t look a day over 16 to me. There’s a lot of pressure to pair up, find a mate in society, and do it young. And it’s a pressure many generations have faced.
But why is this? For some odd reason people think that a romantic relationship is an indicator of social success or failure. No boyfriend? You must be a freak or really ugly. No girlfriend? You must be a psycho. Obviously, this is not the case.
And let’s not forget those biological thingies in your  you-know-where that make us want to make babies all the time. But it’s weird, because I notice that many of us, especially in our teenage years, hold on to this notion that the only way to feel happy, fulfilled and loved is through a romantic relationship. Yes, relationships are one way to feel happy and fulfilled. But it’s not the only way.
We can achieve similar positive emotions with strong friendships, a strong sense of community, or a good fapping session (http://www.outlish.com/masturbation-taboo-lies-and-easing-d-tension) – though the latter may last for about two or three minutes.
This fear of loneliness can petrify us even when we’re in a relationship, though. And we deal with being lonely or abandoned in various ways. Some people form relationships, then reject their partners as soon as they think they’ll be rejected themselves. As soon as they feel threatened or insecure, bam – “we done”.
Some people cling on and become really, really dependent. These are the minute-by-minute texters, the always-have-to-hold-your-hand-ers, and the ones who would settle sleeping on the floor tonight because they can’t be apart from you, while the other person feels suffocated.
Then there are those people who shut down completely. They don’t start or seek any relationships, and they definitely don’t allow themselves to be vulnerable. You might catch people saying, “What’s the point? I’m not going to find anybody anyway”. They mistakenly believe that by avoiding relationships, they’ll never have to feel the pain of one, but in fact, it’s the pain that drives them to avoid relationships in the first place.
So what’s ironic about these coping mechanisms? Notice any patterns? Well, these make loneliness more likely.
So how can we deal with the fear that we’ll be alone forever? Well, unlike other issues of the heart, there isn’t a true, set-in-stone plan that you can follow and hope that it works, because a lot of it is up in our heads.
From my own anxiety about this, this is what I’ve learned – most people who go through this are pretty young. And a lot of the anxiety treat with xanax online is probably just based on feeling undue pressure from people around you. Being in a relationship isn’t going to solve all your problems. And being in a relationship is not a measure of your self-worth.
But, if you don’t buy my words, if you’re really worried that you’ll never find someone, remember – there are seven billion people on this planet! The likelihood of you actually being alone forever… and ever… is very low; the apple of your eye, even in the middle of guava season, is out there. And it doesn’t hurt to actually get out there and try looking for it. Still, the thought of being single well into your senior years can petrify even the most confident of us.
What do you think? Do you think the fear of being alone is based more on what society thinks of single people, or someone’s self worth?

lonelyheartI’m sure you have at least one friend like this – every time you see them, they have a different boy or girl on their arm. And before you can get the time to let your brain process this, they’re introducing this person as their “significant other”. 

Then, two weeks later, bam – the Facebook relationship status changes, they go into recluse, and you don’t see them for probably a week. Then next thing you know, Facebook status change again, and they come again with another one for you to see. And the cycle goes on, and on, and on…

You, as the third party/friend, try your best to nicely pound it into their heads that they need to take a lil’ time out from the madness. But somehow it goes in one ear and comes out the other. Every time. Baffling as it is, it’s probably because the person is listening to too much Alicia Keys. Or maybe they’re afraid of being forever alone. From forum posts to blog entries, to even its own meme, we can safely say the fear of loneliness is apparently a widely experienced fear. Probably because being loved is a universal need.

Although we all feel the need to be loved, there is so much pressure around us that makes the fear of loneliness so many times worse. Ever noticed in those Disney movies that the princess ALWAYS ends up with the prince in the end, and they live happily ever after? And the thing is, they’re teenagers – I don’t care what anybody says, the Little Mermaid didn’t look a day over 16 to me. There’s a lot of pressure to pair up, find a mate in society, and do it young. And it’s a pressure many generations have faced.

But why is this? For some odd reason people think that a romantic relationship is an indicator of social success or failure. No boyfriend? You must be a freak or really ugly. No girlfriend? You must be a psycho. Obviously, this is not the case. 

And let’s not forget those biological thingies in your  you-know-where that make us want to make babies all the time. But it’s weird, because I notice that many of us, especially in our teenage years, hold on to this notion that the only way to feel happy, fulfilled and loved is through a romantic relationship. Yes, relationships are one way to feel happy and fulfilled. But it’s not the only way.

We can achieve similar positive emotions with strong friendships, a strong sense of community, or a good fapping session – though the latter may last for about two or three minutes.

This fear of loneliness can petrify us even when we’re in a relationship, though. And we deal with being lonely or abandoned in various ways. Some people form relationships, then reject their partners as soon as they think they’ll be rejected themselves. As soon as they feel threatened or insecure, bam – “we done”. 

Some people cling on and become really, really dependent. These are the minute-by-minute texters, the always-have-to-hold-your-hand-ers, and the ones who would settle sleeping on the floor tonight because they can’t be apart from you, while the other person feels suffocated.

Then there are those people who shut down completely. They don’t start or seek any relationships, and they definitely don’t allow themselves to be vulnerable. You might catch people saying, “What’s the point? I’m not going to find anybody anyway”. They mistakenly believe that by avoiding relationships, they’ll never have to feel the pain of one, but in fact, it’s the pain that drives them to avoid relationships in the first place.

What’s ironic about these coping mechanisms? Notice any patterns? Well, these make loneliness more likely. 

So how can we deal with the fear that we’ll be alone forever? Well, unlike other issues of the heart, there isn’t a true, set-in-stone plan that you can follow and hope that it works, because a lot of it is up in our heads. 

From my own anxiety about this, this is what I’ve learned – most people who go through this are pretty young. And a lot of the anxiety treat with xanax online is probably just based on feeling undue pressure from people around you. Being in a relationship isn’t going to solve all your problems. And being in a relationship is not a measure of your self-worth. 

But, if you don’t buy my words, if you’re really worried that you’ll never find someone, remember – there are seven billion people on this planet! The likelihood of you actually being alone forever… and ever… is very low; the apple of your eye, even in the middle of guava season, is out there. And it doesn’t hurt to actually get out there and try looking for it. Still, the thought of being single well into your senior years can petrify even the most confident of us.

What do you think? Do you think the fear of being alone is based more on what society thinks of single people, or someone’s self worth?

 

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Joshua Ramirez Wharwood

Joshua Ramirez Wharwood is a Communications major at the University of the West Indies. Whenever he's not feeding his addiction to Skittles and Coca Cola, he immerses himself in all things digital. Follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/joachim365.

1 Comment

  1. Eleana Winter-Irving

    May 16, 2013 at 8:04 am

    Thank you Joshua, for being so honest and candid. I agree
    with everything you hgave written, howee is a reason other than you have given
    for the multiple partners and then followed by a lifetime alone. Just a person
    as you describe is doing Kala Sapa Yoga. This isn’t the usual kind of yoga that
    is known in the west. This is Vedic knowledge resulting from the placement of
    Rahu and Ketu, in western astrology are known as the nodes. Now if all planets
    including Sun and moon are between the nodes, excluding Pluto and Uranus, this
    person is doing Kala Sapa Yoga. It is inevitable that the girl or boy will
    drift from one relationship to another. I am going to blog about this very
    soon. After years of multiple relationships and failed marriages, they opt for
    seclusion and either loneliness, or aloneness. I have this. I took a vow of
    celibacy for 25 years and broke off with the father of my baby and have lived
    alone ever since. I am never lonely though.

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