Fetishes: Why We Hide them from Ourselves and Others

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Can I tell you a secret? The person you’re dating probably has a fetish you don’t know about, and I’m guessing you probably have one of your own.
There’s a girl in my class who claims she can’t get off without seeing, wearing, or thinking about sneakers. At first, it sounded a bit weird, but after a few seconds, I presumed it made sense. Sneakers were her fetish. Now, before we pull out the holy water to sprinkle on the poor thing, let’s take a look at fetishes.
People can turn anything into a fetish. Some of us are a bit mild with it, while others take it to the extreme. The simplest way to define a fetish would be something that becomes the centre of someone’s sexual universe, that is… they can’t experience any type of pleasure or climax without said object present. If you have a fetish, you obsess or fixate on an object or a body part. You need to fantasize about it. A fetish isn’t simply a preference. It’s something you need… like how my classmate who needs sneakers to get off. So, ideally, homegirl won’t be able to get her groove on if, say, someone were to swipe her precious sneakers… bad thought, bad thought. Stop, Joshua.
Seriously though, do you think fetishes are bad? Let’s take into consideration that society has a way for marginalising sex; mainly, you’re only supposed to assume the missionary position and pop out babies when you knock boots. And, as with anyone different, people with fetishes are often made to feel inadequate and embarrassed about it. But in reality, a fetish could be a unique part of someone’s erotic signature, like a fingerprint, perhaps.
There are many kinds of fetishes, from the animate to inanimate. So they can range from anything from having a thing for douglas, watching porn, or women with huge breasts or butts to leather, stilettos or piercings to get off. For some of us, a fetish may be something seemingly weird… like sneakers. On the other hand, it may be having a thing for sucking toes (or fingers), which mightn’t seem so weird to some.
Here’s a question: who amongst you would reveal to the person you’re currently doing, dating, or married to that you have a fetish? Would you hide it for fear of being considered a freak, or be like my darling classmate and share it? I guess it may seem easier to wait until the other party reveals his or her kinky nature before you come out with your own secrets.
Some of you reading this may so, “But I don’t have a fetish?” or “How do I know if I really have a fetish?” Take me for example – once you’re mixed, you could definitely get a bligh, wink wink. In all actuality, though, this is not a fetish, but more of a preference of mine. If I weren’t able to become aroused without being with a mixed person, then it would be a horse of a different colour. Basically, once you can’t get off without thinking about, looking at, touching something, then more likely than not it’s your fetish.
Now for some science… Research has shown that men make up the vast majority of those affected by fetishes, and that the fetish is usually formed sometime before puberty. How are they formed? Well, there are two theories. The first is that it’s a psychological thing, whereby experiences of arousal are linked to an object, and over time the line between the two are blurred until the person can’t tell the difference. The second theory deals with more of a biological nature, where there are some wires crossed in the brain. The strongest case for this would have to be foot fetishes, where the nerve endings for your feet and your bits ‘n pieces are so close, the brain can’t tell the difference between the two.
Still, these are only theories, and we still have no idea what the exact cause of fetishes is, or if they could be changed. The vast majority of fetishes are not dangerous, except for autoerotic asphyxiation (self-induced asphyxiation, sometimes to the point of near unconsciousness). However, the moment it impedes on your love or sex life, or requires the violation of someone else’s rights, then it may be time to seek some professional help.
And, I’m not gonna leave you hanging; I’ve scoured the Web and found some interesting fetishes. Here are a few of the popular ones, and some you may not have thought of:
– Like fire? If you’re a pyrophiliac, you won’t mind getting burned.
– If your partner loves to do the do when you have a flu, they may have mucophilia, an obsession with mucous.
– Autagonistophilia is a fetish for being on camera. It’s probably how the first porn video was made.
– Love nature, especially doing it under trees? Maybe, just maybe, there’s a bit of dendrophilia in you.
– R Kelly is infamously associated with this one… urolagnia – arousal from urine, or simply golden showers.
– Then there are those who are into furry fandom, also known as furrydom, furridom, fur fandom or furdom, dress up in animal costumes, and do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.
– An interesting one is the ‘burning bush’, where a guy dips his wiener in hot sauce, and then penetrates. One word – spicy.
– The polar opposite to this would be the ‘frozen pudding pop’ – sticking ice up into the orifices, so that the muscles contract for a more snug fit.
– And there’s the fabled ‘red wings’ – cunnilingus on a menstruating woman. Oh, bloody hell.
… and, if you were wondering, I’m an olfactophiliac; nothing excites me more than the smell of cologne or perfume when it adheres to the skin.
Fetishes aren’t something people often discuss, along with sexuality and other topics. We get a little self-conscious and afraid that if we share out little sex secret, we’ll be considered freaks. But here’s a little food for thought. Sharing your sexual fetishes and preferences would be a weight off your shoulders, if you were honest with whoever you’re with or plan to be with instead of subscribing to the societal “norm” of the missionary position, once-a-month, only-when-you-get-married, only-to-pop-out-babies style of things, because there is so much more to you as a human being when it comes to sex.
I’m not saying it’s necessary to broadcast what happens inside your bedroom (or car, on the kitchen counter or under the tree in your backyard) to the world. At the same time, hiding something that’s as personal as this from your partner won’t make for a good sexual experience for yourself, or anyone involved, and you’ll always be left wanting that little extra something that can take things up a notch for you.
A fetish is in no way a form of sexual deviance, or whatever else you may have heard. So… will you share your secret?

Can I tell you a secret? The person you’re dating probably has a fetish you don’t know about, and I’m guessing you probably have one of your own.

There’s a girl in my class who claims she can’t get off without seeing, wearing, or thinking about sneakers. At first, it sounded a bit weird, but after a few seconds, I presumed it made sense. Sneakers were her fetish. Now, before we pull out the holy water to sprinkle on the poor thing, let’s take a look at fetishes.

People can turn anything into a fetish.

People can turn anything into a fetish. Some of us are a bit mild with it, while others take it to the extreme. The simplest way to define a fetish would be something that becomes the centre of someone’s sexual universe, that is… they can’t experience any type of pleasure or climax without said object present. If you have a fetish, you obsess or fixate on an object or a body part. You need to fantasize about it. A fetish isn’t simply a preference. It’s something you need… like how my classmate who needs sneakers to get off. So, ideally, homegirl won’t be able to get her groove on if, say, someone were to swipe her precious sneakers… bad thought, bad thought. Stop, Joshua.

Seriously though, do you think fetishes are bad? Let’s take into consideration that society has a way for marginalising sex; mainly, you’re only supposed to assume the missionary position and pop out babies when you knock boots. And, as with anyone different, people with fetishes are often made to feel inadequate and embarrassed about it. But in reality, a fetish could be a unique part of someone’s erotic signature, like a fingerprint, perhaps.

“… a fetish could be a unique part of someone’s erotic signature.”

There are many kinds of fetishes, from the animate to inanimate. So they can range from anything from having a thing for douglas, watching porn, or women with huge breasts or butts to leather, stilettos or piercings to get off. For some of us, a fetish may be something seemingly weird… like sneakers. On the other hand, it may be having a thing for sucking toes (or fingers), which mightn’t seem so weird to some.

Here’s a question: who amongst you would reveal to the person you’re currently doing, dating, or married to that you have a fetish? Would you hide it for fear of being considered a freak, or be like my darling classmate and share it? I guess it may seem easier to wait until the other party reveals his or her kinky nature before you come out with your own secrets.

Some of you may say, “But I don’t have a fetish?” or “How do I know if I really have a fetish?” Take me for example – once you’re mixed, you could definitely get a bligh, wink wink. In all actuality, though, this is not a fetish, but more of a preference of mine. If I weren’t able to become aroused without being with a mixed person, then it would be a horse of a different colour. Basically, once you can’t get off without thinking about, looking at, touching something, then more likely than not it’s your fetish.

“Men make up the vast majority of those affected by fetishes.

Now for some science… Research has shown that men make up the vast majority of those affected by fetishes, and that the fetish is usually formed sometime before puberty. How are they formed? Well, there are two theories. The first is that it’s a psychological thing, whereby experiences of arousal are linked to an object, and over time the line between the two are blurred until the person can’t tell the difference. The second theory deals with more of a biological nature, where there are some wires crossed in the brain. The strongest case for this would have to be foot fetishes, where the nerve endings for your feet and your bits ‘n pieces are so close, the brain can’t tell the difference between the two.

Still, these are only theories, and we still have no idea what the exact cause of fetishes is, or if they could be changed. The vast majority of fetishes are not dangerous, except for autoerotic asphyxiation (self-induced asphyxiation, sometimes to the point of near unconsciousness). However, the moment it impedes on your love or sex life, or requires the violation of someone else’s rights, then it may be time to seek some professional help.

And, I’m not gonna leave you hanging; I’ve scoured the Web and found some interesting fetishes. Here are a few of the popular ones, and some you may not have thought of:

– Like fire? If you’re a pyrophiliac, you won’t mind getting burned.

– If your partner loves to do the do when you have a flu, they may have mucophilia, an obsession with mucous.

– Autagonistophilia is a fetish for being on camera. It’s probably how the first porn video was made.

– Love nature, especially doing it under trees? Maybe, just maybe, there’s a bit of dendrophilia in you.

– R Kelly is infamously associated with this one… urolagnia – arousal from urine, or simply golden showers.

– Then there are those who are into furry fandom, also known as furrydom, furridom, fur fandom or furdom, dress up in animal costumes, and do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.

– An interesting one is the ‘burning bush’, where a guy dips his wiener in hot sauce, and then penetrates. One word – spicy.

– The opposite of this would be the ‘frozen pudding pop’ – sticking ice up into the orifices, so that the muscles contract for a more snug fit.

– And there’s the fabled ‘red wings’ – cunnilingus on a menstruating woman. Oh, bloody hell.

… and, if you were wondering, I’m an olfactophiliac; nothing excites me more than the smell of cologne or perfume when it adheres to the skin.

“Sharing your sexual fetishes and preferences would be a weight off your shoulders.”

Fetishes aren’t something people often discuss, along with sexuality and other topics. We get a little self-conscious and afraid that if we share out little sex secret, we’ll be considered freaks. But here’s a little food for thought. Sharing your sexual fetishes and preferences would be a weight off your shoulders, if you were honest with whoever you’re with or plan to be with instead of subscribing to the societal “norm” of the missionary position, once-a-month, only-when-you-get-married, only-to-pop-out-babies style of things, because there is so much more to you as a human being when it comes to sex.

I’m not saying it’s necessary to broadcast what happens inside your bedroom (or car, on the kitchen counter or under the tree in your backyard) to the world. At the same time, hiding something that’s as personal as this from your partner won’t make for a good sexual experience for yourself, or anyone involved, and you’ll always be left wanting that little extra something that can take things up a notch for you.

A fetish is in no way a form of sexual deviance, or whatever else you may have heard. So… will you share your secret?

 

Image courtesy sodahead.com.

 

Joshua Ramirez Wharwood

Joshua Ramirez Wharwood is a Communications major at the University of the West Indies. Whenever he's not feeding his addiction to Skittles and Coca Cola, he immerses himself in all things digital. Follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/joachim365.

21 Comments

  1. Cindy

    January 10, 2011 at 3:48 am

    True bravado!
    Thanks for sharing.

  2. Karen Francisco

    kfrancisco

    January 10, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    I love it when my partner slightly chokes me while we have sex… and also bites my neck and collar bone!!! Pulling my hair, only says ‘I love you’ that much better. :)

  3. Joshua Ramirez Wharwood

    jwharwood

    January 10, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    Sounds like you’re into autoerotic asphyxiation. Just be careful 😉
    Thank you everyone for the love on this one

  4. summer

    January 16, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    well done, joshua! i enjoyed this article. many thanks. much

  5. annonnymous

    January 2, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    I don’t need them to get off but they do turn me on. My partner says its a creepy fetish and wants Nada to do with it until she understands it. I don’t even understand it. So is have a difficult time helping her to understand it. I felt good for sharing what she already suspected but I also feel burdened because even though she says she doesn’t want me to not do it she also expressed how she felt and I must say I feel worse having opened up than when it was my secret. Pls help.

  6. Marilyn Haynes Smith

    April 1, 2012 at 3:04 am

    Oh…..those butter soft silk scarves….mama mia!!!

  7. Mistress Lolo

    October 10, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    WOW!! Thats the best article I’ve ever read.. *Thumbs up*

  8. Bad Juju

    November 7, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    My fetish is actually Vorarephilia, the sexual arousal caused by the idea of eating or being eaten (generally whole; and in my case alive and painless; otherwise known as Soft Vore).

    • Duck CDR

      October 10, 2014 at 2:20 am

      That can be arranged you know…. by diving with whales.

    • Agreeance

      June 1, 2015 at 9:06 pm

      Same here. Funny enough, I came out to my long term boyfriend about it recently, and he in turn told me he had a foot and biting fetish (the latter which I also enjoy 😉 ). So I guess it worked out alright.

  9. wgone

    October 20, 2014 at 3:07 am

    Fetishes are absolutely normal and are not a psychiatric matter. Its a another flaw of psychiatry which needs to leave sexuality alone. It has caused an unfathomable amount of damage to homosexuals who today are still suffering from the pseudo science of mental health. Fetishes are identified more often in men because women when they get married to men they want to control what they are sexually. men are usually very accepting when it comes to sexual behavior – women like to remain in control, and that is most likely the reason for that.

    Kissing from its very definition is most likely a fetish as well – because it it entirely non sexual and learnt from an early age through social conditioning. But we dont reagard it as a fetish because its common place. Mental health have NO idea what is or is not a fetish because it cannot figure out how common different behaviors are. The only guideline that should be followed is that ALL fetishes are ok as long as you dont engage underage persons or others against their will. But in any even that is a legal matter not a scientific one. STRIKE 2 for the DSM and APA.

  10. CalliRom

    March 13, 2015 at 3:35 am

    I’m into peeing in odd places, having a guy help me pee, me peeing on a guy, guys peeing on things.

  11. John Smith

    February 15, 2016 at 2:21 pm

    I have a very strong pantyhose, stockings fetish. I love wearing hose and heels; seeing my hard cock in them; seeing other hard cocks in them. I’m married and would love to share this fetish with my wife. But I don’t know how to do it without disturbing her. I also don’t feel good about my fetish and am frightened if she were to find out.

  12. Lvg

    July 9, 2016 at 10:41 am

    All I can say is that I would be terrified of tell someone that I’m seriously kinky I mean a lot of different things turn me on and I have enough troubles in the ladies department because of my height (95cm) it makes things difficult that’s for sure

  13. CML

    August 23, 2016 at 6:20 am

    I have a nylon Bobby sock fetish, and yes we are married in my heart! I plan on making our marriage formally and documented through a chapel wedding through the justice of the peace soon! I love my Bobby socks so much!! I just have to see them and I get aroused!! They are hard to find but thanks to eBay and a cool website called we love colors I can order my precious socks and enjoy them!!

  14. C ML

    August 24, 2016 at 6:40 am

    I am so so sick and tired of feeling bad and ashamed of my nylon Bobby sock fetish!! I am so sick of the shame that I am going to marry my nylon Bobby socks formally soon. I am generally a lesbian., but I am also a woman who is proud to be a women!! I am a femmi lesbian,!! I love to wear nylon anklet socks or nylon Bobby socks!! I love being a woman and love having a nylon sock fetish as I am seen as normal when I wear my socks!! My socks and I are married in soul, but I want it to be documented! Love my socks!!😍❤️❤️❤️

    • Maylon

      January 12, 2017 at 10:38 pm

      I understand how ya feel I’m also ashamed of telling women my fetish that I love nylons

  15. C ML

    August 24, 2016 at 6:46 am

    Love my nylon socks!! Till death due us part!!❤️❤️❤️❤️😍😍💍💍💍🍾🍾🍾 my nylon anklet sock song? Hot summer nights by 70s group “night!.” And Evil Woman by Electic Light Orchestra!!

  16. Maylon

    January 12, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    For some reason I can’t figure out why I have this nylon stockings and pantyhose fetish it’s so hard for me I’m so ashamed to tell women my fetish that’s why I’ve been having this problem cuz when I’m having sex it takes me a long time to come and sometimes I can’t even come so they think something’s wrong with me or them as like that I’m not turned on with them but it’s not like that they do turn me on its just there not wearing nylons so just looking for advice what to do or how to find other women with the same fetish just don’t know how??

  17. Niecy R

    March 8, 2017 at 1:55 pm

    I’m ashamed to tell my husband of my extreme biting and pain fetish i’ve had this fetish since I was 16 I get so turned on by getting bitten and feeling pain when I’m alone i inflict pain on myself i tried to drop subtle hints but he just looks at me like “your joking right” once i bit him so hard that he got angry and bit me back on my shoulder and left a huge mark omg let’s just say until it healed i needed to take many “bathroom breaks” if you get my drift

  18. Abe

    July 20, 2017 at 4:21 pm

    I’m a guy and I love to squeeze/choke a women’s head and neck between my thighs while she performs oral on me. Its incredible..

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