Feteing wid Yuh Lover, but Wining on Someone Else?
Anyhow yuh wine, a wine is a wine, but…
Ladies, when you’re in a fete, do you like to see your man wining on another woman?
Men, are you okay if your woman wines wotlessly on another man?
Is the sharing of bumcees tantamount to the most illegal of wines, or is it simply an act of liking yuhself in a fete?
Superblue’s classic line – “Ah feelin’ to wine on something” – isn’t going to get you off the hook, if your honey sees you ‘rubbin’ up’ a little too much on someone else. But what is the big deal about your lover wining on someone else? Is it totally okay? Or does it depend on how they wine?
Sometimes, you really don’t have a problem with it. But when friends come to ‘shoo shoo’ in yuh ear, and say, “Breds, how Marlon winin’ on yuh gyul so?”, or Michelle tells Avion, “I think Roger enjoying that wine a bit too much eh”, what yuh go do? Do you tell your friend, “Is nuttin”? Or do you now feel to quarrel with your honey about something that honestly didn’t bother you before?
Whether wining on someone else might cause some drama in your love life is really a subjective topic for discussion. It’s all about how both of you view wining and physical intimacy. And it depends on whether you think your partner is enjoying the wine a bit too much, in your opinion. And I say in your opinion, because every lover of winery will have a different take on this. The rules vary. But here’s my take.
I don’t think that your man wining on someone else is necessarily bad, but I do know that in the past, while I’ve never made a vocal fuss about it, it has bothered me somewhat. Some of us just like to hold onto the person we love, no clinginess involved. Even if your partner is cantankerous, and we all know that this is the season of bacchanalia and related activities, that doesn’t kill the jealousy. Right?
However, some of us like boundaries. On the other hand, some of us don’t care, because who he/she going home wit’?
But let’s be real, while some of us really may not have a problem seeing our partner wine on someone else, there are certain scenarios when we might start to feel ‘ahow’. For example, men, if a man has his hands all over yuh woman, and she’s not controlling the movement, yuh blood wouldn’t flare up a bit?
Ladies, what about if the DJ happens to play yuh favourite tune for de season, and yuh gone running to find yuh honey so you could dance to it with him, and find him wining with Rhonda, and he doesn’t even acknowledge yuh presence? Yuh mightn’t get damn vex?
Single people, if you’re only just getting to know someone, and you two aren’t exclusive, meaning you have no claim to each other, then you really can’t ‘get on’, unless the other person’s behaviour makes you ‘look bad’, or falls within what’s considered embarrassing behaviour.
Back to the couples…
Is Carnival. A wine is a wine. But, for the person who has heard stories of a wine turning into ah horn, is it? And I know this problem would not rear its head only at Carnival time. It could happen in 51 or even a house party (if you’re fortunate to even have the pleasure of attending one in these modern times) at any time of the year.
Now, notice something. In almost every scenario I’ve given, what’s the common thing rearing its head? Feelings. Hence, you and your honey should probably have a talk, and know your limits from before.
Better yet if both of you are on the same page in terms of what you consider to be respect for the other person’s feelings, and how certain actions ‘go look’. Or maybe you have a special song you like to wine to with him/her. Know the times when yuh man or woman will definitely be looking fuh yuh. Ah mean…I doh know if “Garlic Sauce” is allyuh jam!
Disrespect, jealousy, hurt, or shame (especially if yuh man ketch a good head from some puncheon and forget all about you) are some of the things you have to deal with, if your partner doesn’t put your feelings first.
So maybe it’s a good idea to set your terms of winery beforehand. Maybe a ‘social wine’ is okay with friends, or wining to one or two songs. If your significant other is wining with someone else for more than two songs, while you stand there pretending to be having a ball with your posse, then you two may have some other issues to discuss.
I know that some people don’t wine with other people, because they don’t feel comfortable doing it, or consider how their partner would feel. And if you know you doh like to see your man or woman wining on someone else, don’t do it to them. If yuh cyah take de jamming, doh give what you cannot take.
If you get jealous easily, you might need to temper it. Ask yourself if you’re being a little jealous (which isn’t necessarily an unhealthy feeling), and it’s really nothing to hot yuh head about, or if you’re being too possessive.
Now, in trying to assess your jealous reaction, try to remain objective, especially if someone is trying to pull wool over your eye about a horn. Yuh know how people like to buss de, “Yuh too paranoid” line! While you try to lower your tendency to be jealous, don’t let it numb your intuition.
Objectivity is also key to prevent yourself from ‘making a scene’ for what really is an innocent dance.
The rule of wining on other people is really one that you and your partner should agree, or, at least, compromise, on. If it bothers you, I don’t see why you should stay quiet about it. Surely you can calmly discuss it, outside de fete (de middle of a party is not the place for dat talk).
Each relationship is different, and, at Carnival time, it’s good to know what each person feels comfortable with, and avoid drama. Ah mean…you don’t want to be the man who gets a drink thrown on him, or the woman who gets left in de fete for overdoing de winery with someone else, right?
Image credit: kaiscribe.wordpress.com