Facebook and Fake Friends

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Isn’t it funny how all of a sudden, all your “friends” magically remembered your birthday?People who you haven’t seen in ages, and those who you see regularly, but can’t even remember your surname, are sending you birthday greetings.

Please. Don’t lie and pretend you remembered my birthday. I know you. You forgot! Your ass logged into Facebook, and then Facebook did the rest. Thanks for logging in. Guess what? Stacy – the ugly-ass chic you went to school with, Sharon – your “friend” whose calls you don’t return, Westley – your co-worker, and Dexter – the neighbour you love to hate are all celebrating their birthdays today. Why don’t you head on over to their profile page, and wish them “Happy Birthday”. Make them believe you remembered, or even knew their birthdate in the first place.

Before Facebook, we actually remembered our friends’ birthdays, well the true ones that is. Today, we remember nada; we’re as lazy as hell. All our trust is placed in these social networking sites. People have become so blatant with it, sending birthday greetings to every and anyone on their friend list all willy nilly.You even send greetings to strangers you just added a week ago. Hey, I added you just to increase the number of friends on my page; you don’t have to wish me happy birthday. We don’t know each other; it’s ok.

To make matters worse, the birthday celebrant logs on, looks at the 300-plus fake, lazy, well-wishers, and gives the famous birthday speech, “I would like to thank all my friends for wishing me a happy birthday; I feel the love”. Friends you say? What friends? We have to find another word to describe these people. How many of them picked up the telephone the old-fashioned way and gave you a buzz? None I’m sure. So please, don’t feel too overjoyed by the greetings. Without Facebook’s reminders, you’re left with birthday greeting from your parents.

Our laziness has evolved so much that Facebook now has to remind us to say hello to a friend. Hey, look Nadine Nichols, “Say hello, write on her wall”. Ooh, poke Narissa Sing. Steups. I say hello whenever and to whoever I want; I don’t need a reminder for that. The absurdity of it all is when Facebook tells you to reconnect with your brother or sister, who’s sleeping in the room right next to you.

We’re not lazy with relationships alone; there’s the writing. We’re so lazy no-one bothers to correct poor spelling anymore. Hey scholar, it takes nothing to copy, paste, and correct your spelling, and repost it. We’ve become so comfortable. I’m lazy. You’re lazy. We’re all lazy. Come on, what will Facebook think of next to preserve the laziness?

Mark Zuckerberg et al, I know you’re reading this (well, I’d like to flatter myself and think you are). We need a feature to send out job applications, another to remind us of our daily showers, and another to tell us when it’s time to take a bathroom break. I mean, fathom the thought of not functioning without your guidance. People have become so programmed, they don’t even realise that they’re living in the Facebook matrix. Nothing’s real anymore. Not your friends on Facebook. Not the birthday love. Not even the people who clicked “attending” to your party.

Wait a minute. I just got a notification. It’s time for my bathroom break, got to go now.


Editor’s note: The last time we looked for Chica, he was still in the bathroom. Hmm… seems like Facebook didn’t remind him that he had to come back.



  1. Erline

    April 16, 2010 at 10:41 pm

    From what I’m assuming is a young person. And “lazy” is a lazy way to describe the complex reasons for human action or inaction.

  2. Kay

    April 19, 2010 at 7:11 am

    i hate it when people make broad assumptions about situations and deem they’re assumption right.. while you may feel this way or it may be that way with you it may not be the same for everyone and furthermore just because i haven’t spoken to someone i went to elementary school for 10 years because she migrated to another country doesn’t make that person any less of a friend and i appreciate the time that they took to wish me a happy birthday fake or not!

  3. D

    April 21, 2010 at 5:41 am

    Like everything else in life, Facebook has its good and bad. Even though someone does not remember a friend on their friends list birthday…I believe it should be still appreciated that the person took time off to wish them happy birthday on their status…or just to say hello….you never know you just might get a great best friend on facebook…But i would not advise that just yet, they just might me stalkers and dangerous so you must be careful who you speak to or add…
    But as i said Facebook has it good and bad…

  4. Vally

    April 21, 2010 at 5:43 am

    This article has many facts about the fakeness about ppl you meet on facebook. And although I hid my birthday to avoid the annoying and ingenuine “happy birthday, hope you enjoy it”, facebook still has a way of bringing these fake ppl to your page. And not to mention the amount of maccos (peeping toms) on facebook. Those who just add you to see your photos, relationship status, or where you’ve been past few days. I say find them and delete them off the list.

  5. Carol

    May 5, 2010 at 10:31 am

    Constantly review FB’s Privacy settings so as to avoid exposure of anything you don’t want out there. Choose your ‘friends’ wisely – I certainly don’t approve everyone who sends a request.

    If people did this, then the ‘fakeness’ of friends wound not be an issue. If you add every Tom, Dick and Harry who sends you a request, what do you expect?

    And I’m not afraid to put anyone on ‘Limited Profile’ either – at which point you can lock them out of writing on your wall, certain photo albums, etc.

    However, at the end of the day, don’t put anything on FB that you’re even remotely concerned about being made public. It’s that simple.

  6. Sue

    May 17, 2010 at 8:37 am

    Corny Opinions – LOL

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