DBU: 4 Things People Shouldn’t Beat Up Over
Beating up: making a fuss (either active or passive) over a situation that makes you agitated, aggravated and possibly angry.
If you know me, you’d know one of things I often tell people is “DBU”, or “doh beat up” in layman’s terms, and the following is a major reason why.
Although, in some cases, ‘beating up’ is justified, the majority of times it’s for a situation, which, in my opinion, should not justify that fuss. Being a reasonable person, I can often sympathise with the odd ‘beat up’ here and there, although I may not agree with it. But there are just some moments when I cannot even remotely fathom why a person would ‘beat up’.
Allow me to divulge a few of those circumstances where I feel most encouraged to shout one of Trinidad’s signature catch phrases to a perpetrator of extreme fuss.
Beating up over people who obey traffic laws
This has to be the most common of the BU scenarios. Quite often, I’ve been in this situation, and I’m sure most of you reading this can relate (You might even be a perpetrator).
You’re on the foreshore, rushing into the slow lane to overtake a man, who – very annoyingly – is doing the speed limit of 80 mph in the fast lane, only to be met by a person who is doing 60 in the slow lane, and thus makes it impossible to overtake. The general reaction is, “Steups! Dey serious wit dis slow drivin? Why de ass people does drive so chupid? Trinidadians does drive so sh*tty eh!”
Excuse me if I’m not mistaken… but Trinidadians drive so sh*tty because they don’t want to break the law? Maybe what you should be asking is if YOU are serious for wanting to break the law. And for those who say that driving fast is not a big deal, I’m sure you’d be the first to talk negatively about someone who died from driving too fast, or generally complain about crime in Trinidad, when that is exactly what you are committing when you go over the speed limit.
While I agree that it may be a crime that is very accepted as a norm among ‘law-abiding citizens’ (i.e. those who don’t steal, deal drugs, or kill), I think it says a lot about the mentality of Trinidadians if breaking any law is a ‘small scene’. Nonetheless, the point is… on the road when people observing the law… DOH BEAT UP! They’re doing the right thing. You’re not.
People who knowingly retain disloyal friends/relationships… yet beat up when they do sh*t
No offense ladies… but although men do this as well, y’all generally are the main perpetrators of this. Long and short scenario – I’ve had friends who’ve had boyfriends (or in the rare case, when it’s guys, girlfriends) who have undeniably been unfaithful or consistent liars (a fact admitted even by said friends), and have given the girls practically no reason to stay… yet they do. In the same vein, I have also met girls who have friends who lie to them all the time, or try to sleep with their boyfriends, or do a lot of other sneaky stuff, yet they remain their friends because “girls got to stick together”.
Now personally, I am all for forgiveness. In that same breath, I am also not for stupidity or wishful thinking. In other words, forgiving someone does not mean that the person is not capable of being a repeat offender, and thus it should be accepted as a possible part of your friend/partner’s personality. Ergo, my general confusion when I get a phone call from a person calling me to beat up profusely about how the person is messing up again.
There are not many more perfect and pertinent scenarios in which I can use the three magic letters, but not before highlighting the stupidity in beating up over an old dog up their old tricks, much less in keeping them as a friend. Ladies, and the odd gent, there are thousands of more reliable and trustworthy people out there, who are willing to be your friends or lovers. Don’t settle for less. But if you do… you know what I’m gonna say.
Being labelled because you like… sex
Sex… the one thing that everyone at least 16 and up is either doing or is physically and mentally interested in participating in. Yet, somehow this is still a taboo subject for conversation. If you subscribe to the taboo that in itself, in my opinion, is beating up, but I’d prefer to pay attention to some more specific details of beating up that occur within the realm of sex and the subsequent taboo.
That detail is being secure and comfortable enough with your sexual practices to not subscribe to or pay attention to the unfortunate labels placed on you in our judgemental, Trinidadian society pertaining to your sexual habits. In layman’s terms, I mean people, and specifically girls, since they are the ones most scrutinised, who like to have sex a lot (even with numerous partners), but beat up when being called less than complimentary names. *Cough* Bad tings *Cough.
I understand. No one likes to be labelled, but there are next to no angels in the realm of sexuality in our beautiful, little island. We all do it, and in a way, when we are open and comfortable with our sexuality, from experience, people tend to respect you more, while still labelling you… of course.
So if you love to do it, by all means do it, and chill over being labelled, ‘cause it’s your body and your life. This gives me an opportunity to give light to my favourite response to being told DBU – NBU… OBO (never beat up… only beat… I don’t think that last word is appropriate).
When people blast your faults
You can say this is a bit of an extension of the last one, but a way more in-depth look. Generally, humans cannot stand to be told that stuff is wrong with them. It’s our ego, and denial is the primary step to avoiding acceptance that we have faults that we need to change. Why the avoidance? Possibly because everyone likes to believe they’re perfect, or maybe because no one wants to be compared to someone who is considered a bad person. Then, maybe there’s a subconscious acceptance that changing that part of us would take lots of effort and/or leave us vulnerable to revealing an emotion we may not wish to show. Who knows?
The one thing I do know for sure is, the first thing that most people do when told the negative truth about themselves is beating up. Whether it be that you’re selfish, immature, unaccommodating, overly and unnecessarily aggressive – whatever the case may be, I think we can all say that going into the defensive is our first step.
However, it’s only right that at times like that, we should look within ourselves and realise two things: firstly, that if a person recognises a trait within you, that it is very possible it may be a part of you. It’s just that no one had the gall to point out to you before.
Self-reflection should be taken into consideration before putting in a major beat up on the person who pointed it out to you. We should also try to accept that we are human. We all have faults and we can all change. What we should not accept (or expect anyone else to) is that we are the way we are, and that you were always this way and you’re not going to change, because nothing can be further from the truth. We’re constantly changing beings, and we should want to better ourselves every day.
So the next time someone tells you something about yourself that’s less than complimentary, or does you wrong, take a second, look within yourself, ask yourself what you should do, and… most importantly… DOH BEAT UP!
Check out the rest of this week’s issue (12/09/11; Issue 74):
- 8 Waste-ah-Time Lessons from Secondary School
- Stillborn: Dealing with My Baby’s Birth and Death
- Lovers’ Quarrel: Should you get in Man and Woman Business?
- Obeah, Scams and Love Potions: Are You a Believer?
- DBU: 4 Things People Shouldn’t Beat Up Over
Look out for a new issue of Outlish.com every Monday!